Becoming Jewish
One Girl's Journey

Effervescence is a state of mind. It's about choosing to bring sunshine to the day.
Every person I meet matters.

If it's written down, I know it (If it's not written down, I don't know it)
If it's color-coded, I understand it (If it's not color-coded, I don't understand it)

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Thinking About Integration

Thinking About Integration - I finished reading Walking the Bible: A Journey by Land Through the Five Books of Moses by Bruce Feiler last night, and several thoughts keep returning. Most notably, I really want to start more actively pursuing *completion* of this conversion process of mine. When I first started, I was a little intimidated by all the things I needed to work on, like someone newly invited to a party and told to "make yourself at home" but still feeling too new to do anything about that. But at the same time, unlike some conversion stories I was reading online, I didn't have any "gotta do this now!!!" panic or rush, like some people experienced. I was very comfortable in the "finding out what this means to me" and learning how to incorporate things into my daily life and long-term plans.

And I've certainly grown in my personal identification and experience of Judaism. It doesn't feel squeaky new anymore, when I learn things I've never heard of before. I'm not startled when people look to me for answers about Judaism in general. It just feels more and more natural every day.

But where I used to be just fine with the phrase "I happen to be in the middle of my conversion process," now I want things to start heading towards "completion." I want to be able to integrate my journal "over here" with my journal "over there." It's very much a part of me, and it's not something I'm comfortable "leaving it in the closet." Which is a different level of anticipation of the unknown: What happens when [quote] "everyone knows" [endquote]? And I'm less nervous about that question than I used to be. My family mostly knows, and I'm less worried about the ones who don't know yet. Some of my college friends, even from the old Christian student fellowship I was part of, know now, and there hasn't been any repercussions that I haven't been able to handle with patience and with grace. Once or twice I've been challenged by friends who don't understand, but we still have good friendships. Eventually someone *won't* understand, and some friendships might suffer, but I'm okay with that possibility.

So, it's time for me to start amping up a few things. I need to schedule a few more meetings with my rabbi, to talk about this desire to start finishing things. I need to work regular attendance at synagogue into my normal life. And I need to finish some studies / homework assignments.

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: My supportive friends and family, who've helped get me this far


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