Okay, so you know how lots of people (women mostly) believe in the concept of a “soul mate”? One person that matches you completely, that fits your ideal of the perfect someone, that complements you totally? Yeah, I don’t believe in that junk. One person for each individual on earth? One? That’s it? Kinda stingy, don’tcha think?

I prefer to think that there are all sorts of people that fit each other. Some fit together better than others, of course (which is why you’re better friends with this guy than you are with that guy, or why you marry this chick instead of that chick), but every person has aspects that draw them to other people.

In other words, I believe that everyone is made up of puzzle pieces. You know, like a jigsaw puzzle. Millions of tiny little puzzle pieces. Some stand for interests (Star Wars, ballroom dancing, the Civil War, macramé, etc), some stand for belief systems (Buddhism, Catholicism, Atheism, Communism, etc), some stand for personality quirks (sleeps late, eats peas with a knife, cries at cheesy movies, etc), and so on. Each aspect of a person’s personality is a single puzzle piece. So there’s lots. And there are physical puzzle pieces, too: hair color, shoe size, freckles, etc. Got it so far?

Now, if everyone has these tiny little puzzle pieces that make them up, then they would have to fit into other people’s puzzle pieces, forming a union of thoughts or ideas or interests or preferences, which I call “sharing a puzzle piece”. For instance, I like cats, Star Trek, comic books and the Beatles. Many of my friends hold these same interests, so those puzzle pieces fit together with each other. Thus, not only do I get along with those friends, but they get along with each other, too. We all share those puzzle pieces with each other. Still with me?

Now, as I mentioned before, puzzle pieces are not restricted to hobbies and interests; they represent feelings, belief systems, behavior patterns, personal preferences – any aspect of you is represented by a single puzzle piece. My manner of sneezing? A puzzle piece. My agnosticism? Another. My fear of bugs? Another. My love for chocolate? Another. My preference for big arms? Another. My brown eyes? Yup. And on and on and on.

I have been in romantic relationships with people who have shared a lot of my puzzle pieces. Same taste in movies, music, food, books, etc. But in order to get along in a relationship, you also have to accept other puzzle pieces/aspects. Religion is usually a big one. For some, it’s a deal-breaker. For others, it’s not so important. But in order to fit properly with someone else, your take on religion – whether or not it’s important, what kind of religion you could handle in someone else, how you want to raise your kids – your opinions have to mesh. Otherwise, your puzzle pieces won’t fit together.

Essentially, it’s the fitting together of these puzzle pieces that make or break a relationship. Sharing certain hobbies or beliefs or behavior patters is great, but it’s not the only way to connect a puzzle piece; sometimes puzzle pieces fit together because of the acceptance of the other person’s hobbies, beliefs or behavior patterns. It’s not so much the fact that you’re an atheist so you need to be with another atheist; it’s more like, “I find the acceptance of atheism important, and so, therefore, the person I am with must accept it too. Not necessarily the belief in atheism itself, but the acceptance of it in other people.” See what I mean? Like, you don’t necessarily leave the milk out when you’re done using it, but if you hate the fact that someone else does that, then that leaves you without a matching puzzle piece.

Or, to take something more visual, if you’re in a relationship with a girl with long hair, but you really like short hair, you have to make a decision. Either you can break up with her because of her long hair, or you can accept her long hair as it is, even though you don’t like it. If you break up with her, you clearly didn’t share that puzzle piece together, and it was an important puzzle piece to you, so it was a deal-breaker. Oh well. If you learn to live with her long hair, you still don’t share that puzzle piece, but it’s not that big a deal and you can place higher importance on other pieces, leaving you a good relationship anyway. And, if you ask her to cut her hair, and she comes to love it, you have just generated a new puzzle piece that can match your own, and you have just added one more shared puzzle piece to the pattern of your relationship.

So why am I married to Peat? Not necessarily because he and I share the most puzzle pieces out of anyone else in my life. There are plenty of puzzle pieces that don’t fit together. But the ones that DO fit together are more important to us than the ones that the ones don’t, and they’re more important to us than the ones that fit together with other people’s.

That’s really all we’re looking for: someone who matches our puzzle pieces. There could be tons of people out there who do; it just depends on which puzzle pieces are most important to you.

Isn’t that more hopeful, more optimistic, more logical than just having one single person out there that was meant to be with you alone?




“Like attracts like. Cosmic law.” -Illusions