(With apologies to E.A. Poe)

Once upon a weekday morning, suddenly and without warning,
some unholy racket crashed and jolted me from my REM sleep.
"Jesus Roy!" I cursed and sputtered while my heart quite loudly fluttered,
incoherently I muttered and tried to go back to sleep.
"Must be all that damned construction. Go to hell, you stupid creeps!"
Soon I didn't hear a peep.

Straightaway I fell to dreaming of some horrifying screaming
that defied all earthly concepts of a human yelp or howl.
Once again did I awaken, once again was badly shaken;
but I saw I was mistaken: 'tweren't no dream that sounded foul.
It was nothing more than my poor horny kitty on the prowl!
I let out an angry growl.

Finally back in a slumber, making noise like sawing lumber,
I ignored the outside world and peacefully relaxed my mind.
Yet, my tranquil doze was shattered and my sanity was tattered
as my Monet painting clattered to the floor and was maligned.
I was stunned to find myself perched high above my window blind.
It was sleep for which I pined.

At this point I was frustrated. I thought, "I should be sedated!
Then perhaps I would at least fall into some poor semblance of a nap."
As I tossed and turned, distressing, daylight was upon me pressing
and I soon commenced my dressing for the day, and I said, "Crap.
I can feel the tension in my body slowly being trapped.
Soon my tiny nerves will snap."

As I walked into my workplace, everybody stared at my face,
looking at the many lines and bags amassed under my eyes.
I was bitching, I was moaning, I complained and started groaning,
and I alternated droning with my sad pathetic sighs.
I completely filled the office with my aggravating cries.
I was fired -- no surprise.


-1996