So, I was on the F train today, riding home with the other cramped sardines, when two ladies, and I use the term really fucking loosely, got on and claimed the metal pole I was holding as their own. I was pushed to the side, forced to use the metal bars that run down from the ceiling, which, as a just-above-five-feet-tall girl, I have a hard time reaching. So when the opportunity to sit down presented itself, I took it. Apparently, that really pissed off the skank and her friend, because I caught snippets of their conversation from across the train, as they had gotten a seat too, albeit not the seat I took, which must have been a golden magical seat by the way they were carrying on about me. The words I caught most often were "stupid girl". Clearly they were profound orators. I ignored them and read my book.

Then, something happened that shook me more than I care to acknowledge. It wasn't so much what they did, but what it represented: As they were getting off the train, about three or four stops after they got on (so they had only been sitting for two or three stops, and clearly I wasn't leaving any time soon, which showed to anyone taking notes that I deserved a seat more than they did, but that's petty, so we'll let it pass), one of these charming women throws water on me from her water bottle, hitting not only my pants and my bags, but the two passengers on either side of me as well. And they ran off the train laughing.

Now, I wasn't wearing anything particularly swanky, and water can't really do all that much damage anyway, and it was so hot out that I pretty much dried off by the time I got home anyway, but I mean MY GOD. What kind of sad, inhuman upbringing must a person have had to behave like that in public to someone they don't even know? What kind of pathetic animals must these people be? It's demoralizing to think that there are people out there who do this sort of thing.

Obviously, it wasn't the water that upset me, because water dries. It was the act of aggression, the violation of my personal space and property that really angered me. Because that's what that was - I was violated. Not as badly as if they had knifed me, or shot me, but they still lashed out in their own pathetic way. Lame as it was, it was an attack. And it really freaks me out that there are people out there who attack others.

I live in New York, born and raised here, so I know what goes on in the world, and I know what rage feels like (more on that later). Violence begets violence, and it's really no surprise that gang wars escalate out of one incident, or that people can kill other people so easily and without much remorse. I try to rise above that, but I have my own issues to deal with, so while I try to understand other peoples' way of life and the violence therein, I can understand it because I feel it to, when faced with it myself.

So I can't deny having daydreams of really violent ends coming to these losers at my hands, gory, bloody, horrifying ends. I pictured myself... well, I try to be a lady most of the time, so I won't talk about the enormous ass-whooping these two bitch-trolls would receive, but suffice it to say, I had to force my rage down a bit.

Goddamn it, why do people like this exist? And why, oh why, do they come after me? Is it because being a small white girl who looks decades younger than she is, I look like an easy target? Probably. But there's no way for me to change that, so I just have to live with it.

But shit, motherfucker, goddamn it to hell, it really pisses me off!

I don't have a point, I just wanted to vent. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. That's a little better, I guess. Now I'll go cheer myself up by playing with my kitten and watching TV with my loving husband on our giant 56" surround-sound home theatre in the apartment we own.

(I never said I wouldn't let myself feel superior.)