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Banging Superheroes
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Superheroes I'd Like to Bang
Batman: Duh. The Dark Knight is smart, strong, and filthy rich! Can you imagine what his bedroom must be like??? Silk sheets everywhere, champagne and strawberries on tap, rotating water bed – it's a JAP's dream!
Spider-man: Nerds are notoriously good in bed. Look it up.
The Flash: He can move his body so fast, he BECOMES a vibrator!
Gambit: Charming, dangerous, and calls everyone cherie. Swoon!
Nightcrawler: I love Kurt, but there's that sulfur smell everytime he "bamfs". It'd be like getting laid in Mordor. He'd have to bathe first, and wear cologne. On the plus side: prehensile tail!
Wolverine: I bet he's a maniac in bed. And I'm short, so that works out well. Downside: in the throes of passion, he might call you "bub".
Mr. Fantastic: He can stretch any part of his body. Length, girth, you name it. Custom fitted!
Daredevil: He relies on his sense of touch and taste. Hoo-ah!
Superheroes I Wouldn't Fuck With Dr. Ruth's Pussy
Iceman: Too cold. No one wants a frost-bitten chacha.
The Thing: Big orange rock. Ouch.
Beast: Hank's brilliant, but it would be too much like Furry sex, and that's a kink I'm not into.
Blob, Toad or any other disgusting, disfigured mutants: Ick.
Quicksilver: Not as fast as Flash, so no benefit to me; he'd simply finish before I even got there.
Ant Man: Ant Man? Ant Man?!
Lobo: Oh, come on! What kind of skank do you take me for?
Note: Many people might ask why Charles Xavier isn't on this list. "Wouldn't a telepath be great in bed?" you'd say. "They would know exactly what you like and what you don't!" True, but they'd also know all your insecurities and hang-ups, and in the middle of sex would wonder why you're suddenly thinking of changing bikini waxes or that you're hoping that AIDS test turned out okay. Embarrassment city! So I'm still on the fence with Professor X. (But Patrick Stewart is HOT.)
Batman: Duh. The Dark Knight is smart, strong, and filthy rich! Can you imagine what his bedroom must be like??? Silk sheets everywhere, champagne and strawberries on tap, rotating water bed – it's a JAP's dream!
Spider-man: Nerds are notoriously good in bed. Look it up.
The Flash: He can move his body so fast, he BECOMES a vibrator!
Gambit: Charming, dangerous, and calls everyone cherie. Swoon!
Nightcrawler: I love Kurt, but there's that sulfur smell everytime he "bamfs". It'd be like getting laid in Mordor. He'd have to bathe first, and wear cologne. On the plus side: prehensile tail!
Wolverine: I bet he's a maniac in bed. And I'm short, so that works out well. Downside: in the throes of passion, he might call you "bub".
Mr. Fantastic: He can stretch any part of his body. Length, girth, you name it. Custom fitted!
Daredevil: He relies on his sense of touch and taste. Hoo-ah!
Superheroes I Wouldn't Fuck With Dr. Ruth's Pussy
Iceman: Too cold. No one wants a frost-bitten chacha.
The Thing: Big orange rock. Ouch.
Beast: Hank's brilliant, but it would be too much like Furry sex, and that's a kink I'm not into.
Blob, Toad or any other disgusting, disfigured mutants: Ick.
Quicksilver: Not as fast as Flash, so no benefit to me; he'd simply finish before I even got there.
Ant Man: Ant Man? Ant Man?!
Lobo: Oh, come on! What kind of skank do you take me for?
Note: Many people might ask why Charles Xavier isn't on this list. "Wouldn't a telepath be great in bed?" you'd say. "They would know exactly what you like and what you don't!" True, but they'd also know all your insecurities and hang-ups, and in the middle of sex would wonder why you're suddenly thinking of changing bikini waxes or that you're hoping that AIDS test turned out okay. Embarrassment city! So I'm still on the fence with Professor X. (But Patrick Stewart is HOT.)
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