Well, sort of real time. Annual ... Oscar Pool entrants (for reference): Christopher, Chris Barzak, Ted, Barb, Kelly, Gavin and Richard.

Best dresses – Samantha Morton, Scarlett Johannsen, Liv Tyler (also best hair), Patricia Clarkson, Diane Keaton (best suit), Charlize Theron and Angelina Jolie. There are others, but I forget them right now.

Damn, I get Finding Nemo right in the Oscar pool, while hoping that Triplets of Belleville wins.

Early leads to everyone but – Gavin who’s zero for three (and who obviously doesn’t read EW). Me and Richard haven’t missed any yet. Everyone else is 2 for 3.

Also, I've never watched Joan Rivers before and that was fucking scary. She hadn't seen any of the movies and didn't know who was nominated. Not to mention -- SCARY. Why let Billy Crystal burn 20 minutes up front when he's not even funny?

more soon --

UPDATE:

Costume Design – Goes to really obnoxiously voiced Richard Taylor (who seems really nice and is a fucking genius) whose wife is in the audience silently screaming, Don’t tell the childhood rats story, don’t tell the childhood rats story. Oh, he sort of told it. Not much of a story though. ROTK – 2 for 2. Richard and me still haven’t missed any. Gavin gets one right! Yay!

Chris Cooper comes out looking like Chris Cooper.

Best Supporting Actress -- Renee Zellweger pretends to be surprised even though she couldn’t even look at the camera and had a little grin on her face while they were doing the noms. Her dress is very pretty but kind of wedding dress and she is not sporting an exoskeleton, which is always nice. She is overwhelmed. I am still 100 percent, and leading the Oscar pool. (Mr. Rowe is scorekeeping, for those cynical ones of you.)

(Christopher gets excited (as do I) when Renee thanks Vincent D’Nofrio for “teaching me how to work,” a reference to the small, excellent film THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD in which he was her co-star.)

Apologies for any misspellings, but we’re drinking (yay French wine!) and I’m typing fast.

I confess I never really got Bob Hope. Bored now.

UPDATE:

Commercial revelation – Peter Bogdanovich is apparently doing a made for TV movie about Natalie Wood. Has done, I should say. Hmmm….

Now come the categories where no one’s seen anything (at least I haven’t) and the good intentions go wrong.

And, just as I predicted, I get my first miss on Best Live Action Short. Barzak, Christopher, Kelly, and Ted got that one. (But I’m still ahead because Richard missed it. Richard, feel better.) Playing people off is so rude. Play Billy Crystal off why don’t you?

On to Best Animated Short: Richard’s back tied with me, because he’s the only one who got this one right. Aussie short. Hmph.

Liv Tyler’s so cute in her glasses and Christopher reiterates his wow at her aerodynamic hair.

Can anyone remember a time when the Oscar nominee song performances were something to look forward to like this year? I sure can’t.

Sting’s instrument is really cool, though we’re not sure what it is. Hush, that’s not what I meant.

Now we want “The Scarlet Tide” to win.

Okay, what I said before? Annie Lennox is the weak link this year. But really, how about those Sacred Harp singers? That was awesome. And that really was a smalltown southern choir (and perhaps they won’t even have seen The Passion of the Christ yet)!

UPDATE:

Billy Crystal – mean and unfunny.

Why the hell is Oprah in the audience?

Christopher increasingly offended by Billy Crystal.

Special Effects – ROTK, three for three.

Now it’s time for all the awards that the Academy wrongly believes are less entertaining than Billy Crystal to be announced all at once, because they were already given.

(Not a stellar Oscar pool in terms of accuracy so far; Richard, Barzak, Ted, Kelly and Christopher tied at 5 for 8; I’m at 6 for 8. False sense of security setting in. Gavin and Barb staging comeback.)

Blake Edwards’ acceptance would be perfect, if they didn’t haul him back on stage. But no. Of course not. Jim Carrey brings him back. He’s wearing a live snake – wait, it’s a stunt jacket.

(Did Oscar just try and kill an old man? We don’t care. We love it.)

Pet rats, elephant poop – what happened to the 5 second delay?

UPDATE:

Yay! Bill Murray, yay!

Make-up: Richard Taylor and Peter King, from ROTK (4 for 4, for those of you keeping score at home). And here comes That Voice Again.

Computer battery situation. Missed a few moments there.

Oprah’s there to present, apparently. Okay, this is weird – why is Oprah introducing Mystic River when the other Best Picture noms were intro’d by Someone In Them. Oprah obviously has something on Clint Eastwood.

We’re now in bed. This thing goes on way too long. 10:41 p.m. and only 11 awards out of 24.

Oh, number 12. Documentary short subject. I can feel my lead slipping away… Chernobyl Heart wins. Gavin gets this one! And mostly everyone else except me!

UPDATE:

Documentary -- YAY! Errol Morris wins for Fog of War! I didn't think that would happen and am incredibly happy. Morris is brilliant!

UPDATE:

Interlude of the Dead. There are quite a few people I never know are dead until the Oscars.

Score – Okay, I must admit, ROTK’s score is the only one I instantly recognized and he wins. Making ROTK 6 for 6. Annie Lennox is very happy, thinking this may mean she won – let’s hope not. Barb the only person who gets this right.

UPDATE:

And ROTK is 7 for 7. Bedtime. Sleepy. Hurry up now.

Kelly and I are now tied for first with 10 right so far. Eek!

UPDATE:

Um, why are they singing "Belleville Rendezvous" in English? This SUCKS! The bicycle is not a racing bicycle. This is a FRAUD!!!!!

UPDATE:

Wow. ROTK, 8 for 8. Best song, and it wasn't even good!

And uber-wow. Barb stages comeback -- Barb, Kelly and me in three-way tie for first!

UPDATE:

The Barbarian Invasions wins Best First Film (and gets the "Canada's first win" back-handed but necessary phrasing). Harvey Weinstein's heart was behind this film -- he looks shocked by this.

Kelly, me and Barb still tied. 11 for 17.

Best Cinematography: Damn. Master and Commander. Kelly takes the lead! Barb gets it right too! Barb and Kelly tied, I fall to the wayside as foreseen!

UPDATE:

Dad and Ms. Coppola come on screen to scenes from The Godfather. Best Adapted Screenplay: ROTK. Now 9 for 9. I know I missed that one. Wow, no one else is winning JACK.

Kelly in the lead! (13 of 19)

UPDATE:

Best Original Screenplay -- Well, I know I got this one wrong, and I voted for a movie I hadn't even seen! Stupid! Stupid! (Really, I just want to go to bed now.) Lost in Translation, just as expected.

Kelly pulls away! Christopher catching up!

UPDATE:

Whoops, spoke too soon -- Barb's now in the lead and pulling away! I suck!

UPDATE:

Peter Jackson wins Best Director -- ROTK, 10 for 10. Yay! Though I'm wondering if this is the most exercise he's gotten in quite awhile. (I kid, he actually looks somewhat healthier.) Such a nice man, thanks his dead parents and now I feel terrible.

Best Actress -- Feel bad for Keisha; she looks like she thinks she might actually win. Samantha Morton looks beautiful. So do they all, actually. Except Marcia Gay Harden, who looks beautiful and extremely pregnant. Adrien Brody = not comic actor.

Charlize wins. No surprise there. Except for Diane Keaton possibly. Just as at Independent Spirit Awards "incredible" is the word for the Monster folks. But I like Charlize. And she looks like old Hollywood. Old Hollywood with missing eyebrows.

Barb's winning! Christopher and Kelly are one back!

UPDATE:

Best Actor -- FINALLY. Sean Penn. He deserved it. Still sad. Penn manages grace. But Bill Murray and Johnny Depp deserved it too. Oh well. Did Penn just say he's starting to enjoy awards ceremonies?

Maybe I had some of those numbers wrong. We're not sure. It's all up in the air. Who will win the pool?

UPDATE:

Okay, what I said a second ago was wrong. Christopher, Barb and Kelly are tied up.

Clean sweep: ROTK wins, 11 of 11! And so, Christopher, Kelly and Barb tie in the pool! Will there be three prizes? Will there be a tiebreaker? Who can say? It's WAYYYY past my bedtime.

That was a REALLY boring Oscar ceremony, but at least they made the effort to keep it shorter. Next year, no Billy Crystal. Please.

One last thing: Peter Jackson says "Fantasy -- there's a word we hope the 5-second delay won't do anything with..." Or something like that. It's late.