Tue Nov 1 - There's something unique about going to your "first" of anything. Last night was my first time attending the council meeting for my local Barony. I was actually amazed at how many people I didn't even recognize or remember ever meeting, let alone the people I sorta recognized but for whom I have no idea what their name is. Strangely enough I walked in right as they were talking about the BBQ from Sunday, and who the new Bard is, and just at that same moment I bumped my shoulder bag funny and dropped a bunch of papers all over the floor. Nice and graceful. *harumph*

The meeting itself was pretty much your typical monthly SCA business meeting, and definitely is filled with some characters. I could guess who usually jokes too much, who tries to reign people in, who... etc. But I needed that kind of exposure, to finally get a feel for who these people are and what the "local" activities are. I'm slightly nervous about how to work things into my schedule, because I know I do too much already, but I'm sure I can work on priorities and details over time.

Afterwards, the much of the barony likes to go down a few blocks to a Carl's Jr. and hang out socializing. So I stayed there way too late with friends, having fun chatting with folks I already knew and meeting at least 1 or 2 people for the first time. Then I got home finally around, um maybe midnight-ish?

One nice silly spot in the evening included hanging out with Aliskye and teaching her my "five minute Mandarin Chinese" lesson that I taught to Erika and Ben on Sunday evening. The three of them are all part of the Firefly/Serenity role-playing game that Noah and Saul are organizing. In the tv-show/movie, the only two dominant languages are English and Mandarin, and in particular most people swear in Chinese. So the game guide and the fan websites have references for learning some Mandarin. But you see, I actually studied Mandarin in college. So I'm actually a little bit pleased to have a use for my language skills and all those books I've been holding on to over the years.

My little five-minute lesson is a basic overview of Chinese tones, and how to say "This is my very good friend." Aliskye did very well, and Erika *really* enjoyed learning this phrase on Sunday. But of course, Erika is a linguist too, so she's got the same kind of ear and mind for languages that I do.

Wed Nov 2 - Today work is still scary swamped, and I imagine I'll be staying late today, tomorrow, Friday, and possibly being in the office on Saturday.

But the big thing in my schedule today is to go see my new doctor for the first time, this afternoon.
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Hm. What to say about this afternoon's attempt to go see the doctor? First, the boring part: My insurance company still has not registered my change from HMO to PPO, which means they couldn't have seen me in this office today unless I felt like paying $220 myself. So, obviously we made it a "reschedule" and the gal was kind enough to approve "no re-scheduling fee."

Then let's talk about how much I hate going to doctors. If you had asked me yesterday what are my biggests fears or phobias, I'd have said I know I have an irrational fear of guns. I think I would just burst into tears if someone made me hold a gun, or heaven forbid made me fire one. It's an absolute phobia, and one that I have no interest in overcoming. I'm okay with it, because I just never have to deal with guns in my normal life.

Creepy crawlies are icky, but not a phobia, which means I can get rid of bugs and things for my friends if I need to. And although I squint if there's something bloody on screen or I avoid watching horror movies, that's not that hard to do either.

But apparently I have a massive aversion to doctors in general, way worse than I thought I had. I could hardly get my breath and had tears pouring down my face as I walked away from the failed appointment today. And all I could think was "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go." A tiny piece of me was frustrated that things like doctors cost money (and certainly I couldn't afford $220 just to meet a new doctor for the first time and I'm not sick). Another part of it is that I feel fine, so I don't want anyone poking and prodding me to tell me that I'm not fine and please make another appointment. No. I feel healthy, I'm active, I can run around and do just about anything, I'm eating better bit by bit, I'm losing weight at a healthy pace, I'm getting back to execise.... So I end up thinking "Leave me alone, I'm fine, don't make me spend any money, and good grief don't make me sit on an exam table and be prodded by doctors."

I know. I haven't seen a women's doctor in *mumbletymum* years. But I'm single, I'm not worried about having kids, and I feel fine. Please, why can't I just keep living like this? That's what was going through my head, and what has tears welling up in my eyes even trying to write all this.

Anyways. There. So I'm completely phobic about going to the doctor, AND my insurance is clueless.

I have a scary deadline to try to meet at work. I'll worry about this later. Please, please don't bug me about it. Give me hugs, but don't nag. Thanks.

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New Feature: Goals & Wishlists master page for jotting down ideas

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Recently Listened to: Gravity Willing Requia
Recently Watched: Xena (several episodes on fast-forward)
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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Jade: For your continual encouragement and enthusiasm for our friendship. Most of the time friendships drift when people no longer work together, but I can easily picture us being friends for life. I'm truly thankful for friends like you, dearest.