High Highs, Low Lows - Estrella War is the big SCA camping trip I do every February, when ever possible. There have been some I've missed over the years, but I still try to go. At work, it's easiest to explain as an "Annual Family Reunion, where we go camping in Arizona." That's not a bad explanation, but it leaves out the SCA-strangeness for a modern audience.

But it completely misses the poignancy of this Estrella, by leaving out the SCA references. But I'll tell the story in chronological order, and you decide for yourself.

Mon Feb 11 - Late into the evening I got the majority of the big packing done, and sent all those boxes and bags with Ben in Jeff's truck to Saul's parents' house. [Got that?] Then I scraped together a short list of all the remaining few items I would need to pack on Tuesday, and arranged to take my car to the shop Tuesday after work. My roomie would drive me up to Saul's parents' house, Ben and I would stay the night there Tuesday, and leave in the early early morning on Wednesday. This was the grand plan.

Tue Feb 12 - I'd gotten up at 5 am, gone in to work at the wee hours, and stopped for breakfast a block from work. I managed to eat in 30 minutes and be in the office before 7 am. I got all my Estrella notes in order, a few personal tasks wrapped up, and then I started to put together the final PDF versions of the last 11 books I've been working on in my job since November. There were major edits to books 1-3 in the last software version (just book 4 could stay as is). Then those edits had to be incorporated into books 5-7 in the next software version, along with all the new material for that software. Then all the edits to books 8-10 had been done for the past week, and book 11 wrapped it all up. Well, that's what was supposed to happen.

I completely spaced and when I did the major edit incorporations from bks 1-3 to bks 5-7, I overwrote the files 5-8 with the updates from 1-4. I completely lost all the recent edits to book 8 and never noticed for three hours. Let's say there was a bit of cursing when I noticed the error. No backup copy. No previous versions of my edits to book 8. All completely gone. *ARGH*

So I did my best to reconstruct all the work I did on Monday, on top of publishing links to the final copies of books 1-11, which made me leave 90 minutes later than I was expecting.

Then the drive home was terrifying and nerve-wracking. I knew my car needed to go in to the shop, but it got worse on the final drive home before Estrella. The grinding noise behind me was constant and growing louder; the fish-tailing sensation was increasing and scaring me; and by the time I was 90-minutes late leaving work, I was in complete tears and frustrated sobs trying to merge with freeway traffic.

Roomie to the rescue: She talked me all the way home, packing my last minute things for me, and even grinding coffee beans for me even though she hates the coffee grinder. She met me at the car shop where I arrived with 15 minutes to spare, and we hopped back on the freeway to get me to Saul's parents' house and roomie off to her college genetics course.

Ben packed my things in Jeff's truck for me, and Noah let me borrow his computer briefly to finish the last of my receipt-balancing, to prepare for the trip. That's when I realized my clean clothes and toiletries were completely buried in the truck. So I did the typical "wash your underthings in the sink, hang to dry" and headed to sleep. I was in bed close to midnight, and we planned to leave by 5 am.

Wed Feb 13 - Unfortunately, the drip-dry method was not complete by morning, so I had to deal with damp and cold underthings (blech) at 5 am. But we got on the road early, as we planned, and we met with Bruce and Eric for breakfast a couple hours east of our starting point. Coffee, food, walkie talkies, and we were on our way.

Then our horrible freeway disaster. Somehow, even though the bed of the pickup was double-wrapped like a criss-cross burrito -- tarp wrapped length-wise around the load in the bed of the truck, canvas wrapped width-wise around the load, everything secured with bungee netting and bungee cords and ratchet straps -- the heavy steel firepit managed to find a way out from under everything, fly out of the bed of the truck, and smash a windshield behind us as we traveled close to 70 mph on the freeway. Fortunately no one was hurt, and no cars actually crashed. But one windshield was completely destroyed (but with the shattering of safety-glass, merely dented across the driver's side), and a second car took a hit on the bumper and broke a blinker. Needless to say we were delayed for quite some time, exchanging insurance information and restrapping the pickup truck.

As we came into Arizona, we were hours and hours behind schedule, and now hitting rush hour traffic in Phoenix. Our friends from WI flying into the airport were either going to need a different ride or somewhere to wait for us for 2-3 hours. But bless their resourcefulness, they found a ride to site within 20 minutes, just by looking for fellow SCA folks in the airport.

We got on site in the dark, and found we had a huge land reservation -- a pleasant surprise. We unloaded the pickup and managed to lay out the Inn, Mina's old pavilion for Diego, and Raz's pavilion on loan to Marcos and me. By then, Rigo and Michael arrived from the airport, and they set up their own two tents, got dressed in SCA clothing, and went out partying. We finished the Inn, and went off site for dinner. We found Burger King 10 minutes before the drive-thru closed, ate, rested, and picked up a few essentials at the local Circle K before finishing the tent setup. Diego finished his tent and passed out, Marcos and I finished our tent and we passed out. It was already cold, even with cloud cover, so we shared my double-high queen-size air mattress for the necessity of shared body heat.

Thu Feb 14 - I managed to get up early to head out to the Shower Trucks, and get clean clothes on before anyone else was awake. There was no food or water shopping completed on Wednesday, so we had to scurry off-site Thursday morning to prepare for the week. Diego and I managed to fill two carts at the Super WalMart grocery store, then pick up ice from the Circle K and return to site. This year there were 18 people on the meal plan, with me as the only Cook. I opted for an "Open Pantry" arrangement for a majority of the breakfast foods, cold lunches, and anytime snacks. Then I committed to serving hot dinners by (or before) sundown every night, and hot coffee and some hot breakfast most mornings. Thursday ended up being "Burrito Night" for dinner, which I did with Ground Beef and taco seasoning, plus chopped tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese for toppings. I completely forgot to get refried beans, which would have rounded out the meal nicely. Fortunately I was the only non-beef option for the night, so I made do with a quesadilla concoction.

Exhausted, I headed to sleep early and listened as people arrived all night long... and listened as the rain started to pour down all night. Not an encouraging sound.

Fri Feb 15 - Since I barely made it back from the showers before 7:45 the previous morning, I made sure to wake up before 6:30 this time, and I was the first person at the shower truck when it opened at 7 am this morning. My plan for Friday morning included leading the heavy weapons fighters in from Muster to the Field with a marching song. And I wanted to serve normal Coffee Bar with Cold Breakfast morning from the Open Pantry. So I had to be showered and dressed as close to 7 as possible, if I was going to get everything done in time for 9 am Muster.

It was raining and drizzling on and off again all morning, so I opted to leave my drum behind and just lead the fighters to the field with a capella vocals. Everyone really caught on to my Caidan Fighter Song quickly, and it was a successful march to the field.

After everyone was out at the battlefield, I scurried back to camp to come in from the rain, and help facilitate Open Pantry cold lunch, and maybe have some more hot coffee or hot water on for dishes and the occasional hot soup. At the beginning of the Writers' Strike in CA, my friend Aliskye had gone out on a dreary day for the picketing, and brought along instant soup packets. She'd donated them to me later, for the Coffee Bar. I never anticipated the need for hot soup at Coffee Bar, but suddenly at lunch in the rain while camping, they were the best idea ever.

While I was staying dry at camp, cleaning up the kitchen and getting dinner ready, we got the tragic news that a fighter had died that afternoon on the fighting field. Al was an older man, from the Barony of Starkhafn (the Vegas area), and this was his first war in armor. He died of a heart attack, and everything that could have been done was. But even with all the fastest, best medical assistance possible, he passed away.

One of my camp members was there, on Queen's Guard, witnessing the entire thing. Several other extremely close friends were on hand, administering CPR, keeping the scene cleared for medical personnel, etc.

Nothing prepares you for this, ever. I'm unaware of ever having met Al, but at one point Lorccan fetched me "as the Bard of the Kingdom" to come over to the Baronial encampment when people were grieving together, and comforting one another. I arrived shortly after the Queen and some of the Kingdom officers had, and they were addressing the populace. I found a way to be introduced to 3 of his closest friends in the Barony, and pledged to them that I would like to write him a Memorial Song, based on their memories and love for him. I need to still arrange my schedule to go out to Vegas and see everyone over dinner and song and tale and story, but I wanted to do something for them.

Afterwards, I still had to continue with my normal obligations of the evening. Chana helped me prep the food for dinner, and I served Chicken, Rice, and Salad. She and I had a veggie stir-fry together. It was also Friday night, and we managed to have Shabbat candles in time for Chana's orthodox sense of when you light candles at sundown, and still make sure that Meala could be there as she returned from an additional shopping trip to town. We had candles, bread, wine, and then still served hot dinner for 18 that night.

After dinner, everyone battened down the hatches, so to speak. Meala had come in late on Thursday night, bringing the last/only firepit from Sears with her. So Friday night we made a fire and gathered around to commiserate, huddle for warmth around the fire and yet still deal with the pouring rain. I stayed in our camp for a bit of that fire, then headed to Isles where they had two fire pits but under a huge pavilion where you could stay dry but still breathe and huddle for warm around the fire.

Sat Feb 16 - Once again, I managed to get to the showers by 7 am, finding myself warm for the first time in 24 hours, again. It was the only time I had warm feet.

Saturday morning was slightly less rain-filled than Friday had been, and both the Heavy Weapons and Rapier armies were taking the field at 9 am. After Al's death on Friday, several people went out to find black cloth to rip into arm bands. I've never felt more strongly like a Bard from history than walking amongst the fighters assembled on the war field, tying black bands on their arms. For each arm band I tied, I recited to them, "His name was Al. He was from Starkhafn. This was his first war. Never forget him." Then I'd find another fighter who needed a black band.

Once all the Rapier fighters were assembled, I called them all together. And on behalf of Their Majesties, I spoke words of encouragement and words of memory for Al. And then I led them in the Caidan Fighter Song, with the new added verse for Al at the end. I had managed to compose the lyrics for his verse on my walk to the war field that morning, determined to memorialize him in our "new anthem" as someone described my song. The fighters assembled sang their hearts out, and we shouted "For Al! For Al! For Al!" at the end of the song.

When I left the field, I felt distinctly alone and small.

I made it back to camp, put away the Bardic regalia cloak, and got out my own warm cloak to walk around merchants for the first time all week. I'd left home on Wednesday morning and here it was, Saturday afternoon, and I hadn't been out of my camp, Royals, or the fighting fields yet. I wandered through merchants, briefly stopped in to say hi to Wes, Morgan, Xantha, Lynn the Weaver, and others. I made mental note of the things I liked in merchants, so I could return later with money.

Then I felt exhaustion overwhelming me again, and I found a kind of amphitheatre overlooking the fighting fields I'd never seen before, right next to Heralds' point and the middle of Merchants. Throughout the rain and mud and muck, I'd given up on wearing "period" or historic shoes, since all my SCA shoes had holes or splits in the soles. I'd been wearing little running or walking shoes (modern) for two days with no socks, cold and wet and disgusting. But the soles are solid, so they were the best I had. In the afternoon on Saturday, the sun actually peeked out from the clouds briefly. I sat on the concrete in the amphitheatre, kicked off my shoes, and let my feet dry for a nice 20 minutes for the first time in two days. It was dreamy. Then back to the slog of wet shoes, muddy trails, and picking my way carefully down the mile-long paths I traversed each day.

I spent my late afternoon preparing Beef Chili and Veggie Chili, with a giant pot of potatoes with garlic and onions, and green salad and bread. Once everything was on the stove and ready, I was able to clean my feet and ankles, and get dressed in pretty garb for Grand Court. I even managed to serve dinner before heading out, which was a nice surprise. And the best compliment ever: Rigo actually ate my chili for dinner. He's a very finicky meat-eater, and usually he only eats plain, straight red meat. Apparently I really do know how to make Chili after all (which is to say "chili night" at Estrella two years ago was an aberration because I ran out of the right ingredients, and it wasn't chili, even if it was hot food). He loved it, and Chana loved the veggie chili I made, too. I needed about 2-3 more servings of the meat chili, sadly this meal ran right up to the edge of "not quite enough food." But everyone seemed really happy at dinner.

Grand Court was over on the other side of the fighting fields, so I slogged over in my cold, wet, mucky tennies and my pretty clothing. Then I switched to my pretty shoes, and got ready for the procession. Our Kingdom had a ridiculously long and dramatic procession, complete with live musicians, Turkish singing, dancing girls, the King and all his attendants, more dancing girls, and the Queen carried in regally on a litter. Once the King lifted Her off the Divan and placed Her on the stage (so Her feet would never have to touch the ground), then the rest of the procession continued filing by, including an Elephant! (a la Chinese dragons in the Chinese New Years' parades). The "Bellaphaunt" (here with her creators) bowed to the Queen, and then at the end of the entire procession, a man was sweeping up with a push broom, giving the "okay" to the next Royalty behind Caid. The audience fell apart laughing and cheering the guy with the push broom.

I got to actually sing with Mistress Cristobel, and had a wonderful time learning this cute Turkish tune with her. We have plans to get together at more events, and do real Middle Eastern songs together. I really enjoyed singing with her, and with the musicians: Rasheed (as in Kelebek's husband), Sasha Khan (also known as Iskander) and others.

After the Grand Court Procession, I hurried back to camp to finally have some dinner. I would have loved to join Diego, Tristan, and Meala in the audience to watch court, but I didn't know they were there until after court. Also, Al was awarded (posthumously) the Corde du Guerre, which means I missed that.

I enjoyed a nice dinner, and got the camp fire going again, even with all the wet wood and wet cardboard. Once everyone was back from Grand Court, we celebrated Havdalah together, and then enjoyed the evening. There was lots of singing and stories around the fire, and mostly stayed home in camp again. As my fatigue started setting in a little more each day, I relinquished the chili dishes to Dylan, and I was just the one who put away the clean ones.

Sun Feb 17 - Sunday morning, early to rise, early to showers, back fresh and clean and dressed and ready for the first day the sun came out. I served up hot breakfast this morning, turkey kielbasa and eggs, plus the normal Coffee Bar.

The sun came out in force, and I was actually grateful I'd packed my parasol for shade. I went back to merchants, this time purposefully to go shopping with money. I bought a pair of pattens from this merchant, Dru Shoemaker, this model here but in black leather. (I HIGHLY recommend this merchant for anything! He's awesome!) I picked up some additional wooden bobbins from Lynn the Weaver, for my braiding projects. I found a few sets of view pins from Morgan at Acanthusleaf Designs. And finally some linen thread from a weaver (I'll have to find her business card), to do linen-on-linen embroidery next.

Once I had all my shopping in hand, I returned to camp for early dinner prep, since two guys were leaving early for the airport. Cesare drove Edward back to Phoenix airport, although I still managed to served them steak, potatoes, and salad before they left. Then it was time for Caidan closing court, and I want to make certain again I looked nice, and arrived early. I actually got there in plenty of time, which meant I had time to look up an award ceremony text on the Caid website for the heralds.

But the highlight of Caidan Closing Court, for me, was leading everyone once again in song. I opened the court with my Caidan Fighter Song again, and when it came to the last verse, I had to just close my eyes to get through the first two lines of Al's verse. As I looked into the crowd, people were crying and clinging to one another. And we all sang loudly to the glory of Caid, and I never felt prouder. I curtsied to Their Majesties and went to go sit down, and They called me back up into court to thank me. The Queen gave me two bracelets off Her own wrist, and the King gave me a pilgrim's badge brooch, in thanks for my service as Their Bard. When I went back to just enjoy watching court, one of the knights I'd just met this weekend came over with a chair for me, and people were reaching out to squeeze my hand as I stumbled past them. It was such an amazing experience.

Then to the shortest war court I've ever witnessed. The Hospitallers of Caid were awarded the Crossed Swords of Caid, and Marciano was awarded the Lux Caidis for Costuming. When court was adjourned, we all went back to camp long before the sun set, and we all enjoyed Steak Night for dinner together. Chana and I had a hearty veggie stir-fry with potatoes, with melted cheese and cheesy skillet bread.

Then it was finally my night to be able to "party" a little. Michael had declared it was "Shots Night" so I enjoyed some beverages I'd never tried before, and spent my evening around the fire with friends, good drinks, and good company. Svetlana revived her job as "my minion" and helped me navigate the rough ground as I drank several bottles of water after Michael's drinks, and of course had to use the bathroom more than usual that evening. But I never felt sick, and had no hangover, so it was all successful.

Mon Feb 18 - Packing to go home day, and so everyone helped themselves to leftovers for breakfast. I cooked up several pans of turkey bacon, to use up the food and have at least some hot breakfast after the coldest night we spent on site. Sunday had been *so* hot and sunny, that the desert cold afterwards was even more painful. I'm not sure anyone was warm enough Sunday night. It was painfully cold. And Monday morning never really heated up until nearly 11 am or noon, and by then everything was packed down and we were filling up the trucks and cars.

Five of us caravaned with three vehicles, and we stopped off at Elephant Bar in Phoenix as we got on the road. (This was only appropriate, of course, after the reign of the Bellaphaunt!) A hot meal, some cold beer, flush toilets, and running water with soap and we were ready to drive back to California. We finally made it to Saul's parents' house just a few minutes after midnight. Erica was deep in her cups, having enjoyed a little too much wine waiting for Ben to get home, and so I helped her take in 2.5 glasses of water before she finally fell asleep on the couch by 1 am. Saul and Ben finished unloading Melissa's car and she drove home, then they finished unloading Jeff's truck and reloading it with just my things. I went to sleep in Shosh's bedroom, and got up early this morning to drive Jeff's truck back to my home.

Tue Feb 19 - And now I'm home. I got in close to 7 am, showered (luxuriated in the shower, to be precise), dressed, and unloaded the truck. I drove up to Adrienne's, left the truck with her, and she drove me to my car place to pick up my car. They managed to repair everything for just under $500, although I had to borrow some of that money from my Mom (again, sigh). I hate to think about replacing the Festiva, which I adore so much, but more on that later.

Back in to the office, and some more good news: They're working on another two month or so extension for my contract again. This would give me work through April or May, not just to the end of March. Yippee. Whee.

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Ben is my stand-out hero this week, but mostly I'm thankful to be able to share my music with the people of Caid, and especially for Starkhafn. For Al.