First, the FanGirl - I know, it's been forever since I've updated. I've made zillions of notes in my drafts, okay not zillions... but first, I'll tell you about my evening.

ZOMG!! *squee!!!* I accidentally got to spend the evening, playing music with two members of Wolgemut. What? Some of you have never heard of Wolgemut?! Okay, stop everything, and check out their website. Or maybe the videos of them on YouTube. (Two of them were posted by me.)

No, I'll wait. Go check them out. Mmm, hmm. Awesome, aren't they?

So Micha and Jakob just happened to show up at Angels Yule tonight. For some odd reason (more on this later), I had to talk myself into going out of the house tonight, and I almost didn't go. But at the last minute, I forced myself to put on my garb, and just drive out to Cal Tech, where the holiday meal and celebration was being held. I walk in, see Lorissa, and she greets me with "You got here just in time for Wolgemut!" "What? Wolgemut's here?" "Yeah, well two of them at least." "And one of them has to be Micha, just kill me now." "Why?" "Because I just think he's delicious!"

Yes, I have a huge fan-girl crush on Micha, not just because he's so darn cute (and I think he is) but because as a musician, he makes my heart go all pitter-pat.

So I was hanging out in the back of the hall, when Micha walks by. I stop him, introduce myself from the Pennsic incident in the audience, when I stood up to have the bass-drum player do a strip-tease for the $5 bill I was waving (on behalf of my Queen's request, you had to be there, it was awesome). He remembered the incident, and we laughed for a moment, and he invited me to come hang out in the musician's gallery upstairs with them. So I mentioned I was also a musician, and so he invited me to sit in with them. Jakob loaned me a frame drum to play, and I sat in with them as we entertained all evening long. We drank lambic (which is a fruity-beer), we drank wine, we laughed, we joked, we played music just for background ambiance, we played specifically for dancing, and we played for the joy of it.

Micha mentioned that they like having "guest vocalists" or "guest musicians" and so I gave him my name, email, and phone number.

Oh. My. Goodness. I gave Micha from Wolgemut my phone number. *squee*

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Feeling Shy or Agoraphobic - Strangely, I cannot believe I almost never left the house today. Would you believe that I can be wracked with terror-gripping shyness on occasion and just no desire to go out at all? Yes, even this extrovert gets painful frightened on occasion. And it's been a major struggle lately, and I have no idea why. The smallest excuse will keep me immobile. "Oh I have to work late [true, but not helping]." or the ever present "The traffic is horrible, I cannot possible get there on time." It's kept me from going to services sometimes. It's kept me from going to fighter practice or sword-fighting class. True, yes, I had work I had to finish. But it also felt like a cop out that I didn't feel up to seeing people.

I wavered this morning, at first, about possible driving to my old shire, for their holiday Yule event. But then I felt like "it's such a long drive, and I'm not feeling up to it." Then I was curled up reading a book, for hours and HOURS, and I actually called Raphael to say (literally), "Talk me into going to Yule tonight." That was around 3 pm, and he and his dad were already driving to the event. I didn't start getting dress until 5:30, the feast started at 5:30, and I almost decided not to get dressed. But I had called and talked to Raphael, so I was committed. I wasn't on the road until 6:30. I got there a little before 7:30, and of course everyone was done eating. And that was fine with me.

And it turned out amazing, because I spent the evening hanging out with Micha and Jakob. *swoon*

But it's been an ongoing struggle lately, where I haven't wanted to do anything, go anywhere, or see people. I mean, yes I enjoy seeing my friends. But it's been a bizarre spiral, feeding this indecision, lack of motivation, and set of excuses to remain hidden and somehow just deal with things on my own.

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Of course, one reason I think I've been feeling more anti-social than usual is just how many friends of mine are paired up. I recently just found dozens and dozens of old college friends on Facebook. (*waves* at any of them who now read this journal, after having friended me on Facebook) And one after another, they're all in "amazing relationships" or "fantastic marriage" or other successful public images of their lives. In the dozens of close friends I have, *tons* of them are in wonderful relationships. I cannot help but feel frustrated and left out of the magic of the universe, some days.

(Have I mentioned I just spent an evening playing music with my favorite historical musician EVAR?!?! *squee*)

I know. I'm such a teen-ager at heart some days. *sigh*

(I'll leave the rest of my journal notes for later.)

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Raphael, for making me come to the event. Micha and Jakob, for accepting me into their clique for the night.