I'm Not Dead: A Review - Hi everyone. As my best friend from college and I text or phone one another every now and then, "I'm not dead yet." (In fact, she text'ed me this weekend, with that very message.)

To review: I last posted Wed May 6th, and my drafts folder had notes from Wed May 20th, and now it's Monday June 8. Hmm. Since a month ago I've...

• been to Altavia Anniversary (Sat May 9)
• enjoyed Mother's Day (Sun May 10) at my sister's house
• attended a lecture series on "Jews in the Middles Ages" (3 of 4 classes so far)
• attended two weddings back-to-back (Ann & DW's Sat May 16, Matt & Tamara's Sun May 17)
• voted (CA had a special election Tue May 19)
• worked late enough and on a weekend to earn a comp-day off
• been camping east of San Diego (Potrero War May 22-25, where I provided Coffee Bar of Splendoor, and cooked entirely for myself for the first time in years and years)
• been brought onto a new project team at work that really excites me
• helped run the 5th Griffin Dyeworks Fiber Retreat May 29-31 (where I also provided Coffee Bar of Splendoor for 75+ people for three days, averaging about 7 gallons of hot drinks every morning for two hours, and where I spun some woolen embroidery floss by hand, dyed the wool yellow, pink, and indigo blue, stitched with my own hand-spun wool embroidery floss, taught several people a new yarn plying technique on drop spindle, taught two people how to spin and one person how to do a 4-strand braid pattern)
• attended a vigil for my Laurel who was becomind a Pelican (SCA jargon which means that my mentor for aristic mastery was being awarded equally high-rank for her volunteer service)
• finished some miracle documents (impossibly tight deadlines) at work [impressing my new team]
• enjoyed experimental home-cooking from a friend (who was stir-frying a wonderful tuna-steak, not watermelon *grin*)
• helped finish some late-night costume hand-work
• participated in the Coronation of our new King and Queen
• attended the tournament for our new Queen's champions in five tournaments (armored combat, rapier combat, unarmored combat, youth combat, and thrown weapons)
• completed calligraphy for several dozen award scrolls (just filling in names, dates, and doing some paperwork record-keeping)
• Find out that one of my modern namesakes (I was named for the two ladies who introduced my parents) has two daughters that are extremely involved in the SCA, too -- Sir Rauokinn eyverska Starradottir, KSCA and Mistress Achaxe Ek Auchatae, OL [both An Tir] Wow!...

And probably the most fulfilling experience of the past month was yesterday, when my nephew Benji, for the first time, would cry or whine if I would leave him, and began to say an approximation of my name. In the SCA, I go by "Eilidh" which is pronounced "AY-lee" (rhymes with "daily"). These are simple syllables for a 15 month old boy to say, AY-lee-AY-lee... or even just "AY" (like the first letter of the alphabet, A). It was the sweetest, most heart-breaking thing I've ever experienced. This little boy, squealing with glee and giggling when I spent time with him, and being visibly (and audibly!) upset if I weren't with him.

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Now, some disconnect content from my Drafts folder. I'm leaving the "today, yesterday" kind of notes in the narrative, because it reads better that way. But I wrote this two and a half weeks ago.

Notes from Wed May 20: Misplaced Treasures - Cleaning so frequently has had a new benefit for me: It's like treasure hunting and discovery, or an archeological study of my life--I'm finding all sorts of treasures that were misplaced! In the kitchen, I rediscovered the insulated travel mug I'd bought just for drinking more water at work. At my cousin's baby shower, I'd won two prizes for the games, and selected a tiny starbucks travel mug (with gift certificate!) for one of my gifts. This morning, I filled the tiny new travel mug with orange juice, packed my large water mug, and am sipping water with a splash of juice now as I write this entry. I'm getting a star on my progress calendar today for kick-starting better food and drink habits!

Last night I went to the grocery store on the way home (Whole Foods, my favorite "hug-a-tree" store) and found a new favorite treat. The package reads "Smoked Salmon Candy" and the ingredients list says just "salmon, salt, brown sugar, smoke." I'm incredibly impressed with the flavor and the texture, and this is going to be a favorite treat for occasions. I can easily see this packed for every long camping trip. I just adore it! I can hardly believe I used to hate salmon, and in fact hated all the "pink fishes." It took being served GOOD salmon for me to like it finally. Now I cannot get enough. (By the way, thank you Meala, for introducing me to GOOD salmon!)

Last night I also finished the last of my costume repairs, ironing and darning the dresses that were hanging in the closet. Now all my white linen underdresses have their seams put back together, all five over dresses have perfect hems and no holes, and everything is pressed and hanging neatly again. I think it comes up every 6-12 months that I have to sit down and examine all the seams, hems, and outfits to make certain things are in good repair. And having everything fixed again, I'm quite excited about making new outfits. Of course, I owe Bill's outfits to him first, but I seem to have unearthed some sorely misplaced motivation. And I'm thankful to have found it again, too!

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Also from several weeks ago - It cracks me up that at work, people are constantly asking me why I have the configuration I do for my laptop and large flat-screen monitor. Do they really think my work-around is because I haven't thought that a more efficient arrangement would be nicer? No, I have a wonky work-around because it's the least annoying scenario. The only way my large monitor has the right pixel size display (very tiny text, large real-estate showing) is when the laptop is also open and both screens are showing (dual monitor display). When the laptop is closed, the laptop screen is still active (annoying). And the laptop acts like the default location for pop-up windows like "save file as..." and other displays. If the laptop is closed, I cannot see some of the pop-up windows. The only way to have both the laptop open AND use the docking station is to cant the docking station to the side, and display the laptop off to the left a bit, not facing me. Believe me, we tried everything. I had the help desk involved. I didn't set this up in a stupid fashion because it was my preference. I did it so that my large monitor would use the best display possible. I work around the idiocyncracies, so another helpful "Why don't you fix this?" is really quite annoying. *sigh*

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Observations from This Weekend (Jun 6-7) - There's a few things that currently worry me, either about myself or about the world around me, I'm not sure which. I seem to have either a capacity to only see the best in people OR avoid gossip OR both, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. Recently, I've overheard a wide variety of comments about people I seem to know in passing. And I had good opinions of these people. There have been discussions about friendships in jeapordy and possible infidelity and manipulation. Other discussions included whether someone's social skills included in inappropriate behavior with various genders, ages, persons, etc. Others found some people looney, crazy, difficult to work with, etc.

Besides being uncomfortable to be within hearing range of discussions I didn't really want to be a part of, it made me wonder seriously about my ability to pick up on the "creepy" factor or not. In several cases, these were friends who had poor opinions of someone I had no problem with and who's company I'd enjoyed so far. So, am I just clueless? Or do people behave well in my presence and not in others? Was some of this gossip that had gotten out of hand? Why is it that I see the best in people I meet, then they show me their best, then I get confused and uncomfortable when I hear others' sharing a poor opinion of them?

A part of me actually feels lucky (blessed even) that people seem to show me their best side. And this isn't the first time this has happened. Someone will ask me, "So what do you think of So-and-so?" and my reaction will be, "Oooh, I adore them! We had this great encounter, then this one, then this one, and I love this skill of theirs, and I appreciate this thing about them..." and the one asking will sit there stunned. They might answer, "Oh. You're the first person to tell me this. I only have run into problems with So-and-so. Maybe I should rethink this. You have a good opinion of them, and your opinion means a lot to me."

And I'm paraphrasing a conversation I've had with various people about various people at different times. This happens all the time to me. "So, how about That-person?" "I like this, and this, and this..." "Oh. Um, I guess I didn't know anyone liked them in those ways."

But at the same time, as wonderful as it is to see so many wonderful things about so many wonderful people, and being able to affirm that someone has lovely qualities that I've appreciated -- what does it say about me that I *don't* see the disturbing side? Are people sheltering me? Am I really that unobservant? Yes, I've been accused of a type of rose-colored lenses view, by different people at different times with varying levels of disdain for me and my optimistic views.

I'm slightly torn about being more aware (more cautious?) and continuing to be like I am -- sometimes I feel like I'm *adding* good to the world by seeing good in the world. I'm not sure I ever want to change that. But it is disturbing on several levels.

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Cassandra, because we both know that tuna and red hot sauce is better than watermelon and hot sauce