Upside Down and Back up the Rabbit Hole - Major portions of my life have been flipped and spun recently. In September, a very close friend got ill, was hospitalized, and died before the month was out. My own feelings were sometimes on hold, as I supported and comforted others in my life. I left myself very little time or space for my own grief or my own processing the events.

On one hand, I felt practical. I wanted to tell everyone to please (a) Say I love you. (b) Write a will. (c) Improve your health. (d) Increase Love. On the other hand, I felt adrift. It's hard for me *not* to compare "How does my life compare to hers?" She was vibrant and accomplished. She lived on the edge of life, with grace and power and joy and fun and strength. I'm not saying she had everything together, but she sure did more with her 28 years than many do with twice or three times that much time.

Every now and then, I feel like she could be watching over my shoulder, and I find myself imagining what she might say if I asked her opinion on things in my life. Sometimes she would likely tell me to "grow a pair" and go do the risky thing I'm frightened of which really isn't a big deal after all. Other times, she would likely bounce up and down and tell me to "go for it!" with a big dream or goal. Other times, I imagine she'd be sneaky and silly and giggle with me about accomplishing things for others.

I will never stop missing her. But I better darn well follow her best advice, and live as radically and passionately as I possibly can, for the best pursuits of my life as I can.

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Status Report: Weight Loss - On a small status update, I've been consistently losing weight slowly. Here's the visuals:



That's 13 pounds lost and kept off, total, from the highest point. Trends. I'm working on trying to hit trends. The oddest thing is that my skin feels loose, around my torso. I never noticed that before, but I'm okay with it. There are other friends who are currently losing more weight than me, but I'm the only one who has to live in this body, so I cannot really compare myself.

Status Report: Exercise - I promised a close friend that I would return to dancing, since it appeals to me, I miss it, and I *want* to do it for me. The process of caring for so many other people during my own grief (or putting off my grief, to be there for others) made me notice what it *really* means to be certain to take time for oneself. Since I enjoy my larger social activities, it's hard for me to see how that might not be "for me" sometimes. I enjoy being with others, how can that not be sufficient? But since he's right, AND I want to be doing something for me like dancing, I'm working on putting dance into my life for exercise. It also renews my very spirit, so well, I've got that too. (What kind of dance you ask? Mostly bellydance, but think the classical, graceful versions of the form more than anything else.) So, expect some status reports on dance soon, too.

Status Report: GWW Goals - Great Western War is a large SCA camping event, and besides the amazing Memorial for Kitty/Kolfinna, the dozens of chances to hug my friends close and tell them I love them, it was also a time for Arts in my life. I had two major goals: Spending time teaching spinning and actually *Enter* the "wool-to-whatever" competition. I hosted a 4-hour drop-in workshop for Spinning on Thu and Fri afternoon, and had an amazing time. I had a few actual students, in the line of "can you teach me to spin?" or "can you help me figure out what I'm doing wrong?" or "how do I become more consistent?" I also had some hours of just relaxing and spinning in the company of other skilled spinners, and just chatting and enjoying the time together. Goal one: Accomplished. I miss teaching, and I should commit to spending more time with spinning students, research, and teaching.

Wool-to-Whatever is a contest where you prep and work on something/anything from wool, on site at the event, and turn it in by a deadline. I spun throughout my 8-hours of workshop, then warped that yarn on a small loom. I also washed some raw fleece by hand with one of my Thu students, and we managed to get a *brilliant* shiny white from the wool (which was a dingy caramel color). On Fri, I dyed some of the bright white fleece first in yellow (onion skins), and then overdyed with cochineal (pink) to get a bright orange (with pink tips). On Sat, I wove some of the pink fleece into the loom, and about 2-inches of the band, and then turned it all in for the deadline. I was shocked on Sat evening to be named the winner, and am humbled at experience. Now, I still need to finish the rest of the weaving, likely sew the band together either into a sash or a pouch, possibly felt it a bit, and it will be my display sash (or pouch) for tokens from Kolfinna. I also need to take more photos, so I can share those. But goal #2 to enter the competition: Accomplished.

Long-range, I'm starting to set commitments for competitions, performances, commissions, and other "need to finish this" tasks. I'm feeling better about this process.

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Well, that wraps up two major reports. I think I should get some sleep.
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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: the Dread Viscountess Seelie (thank you, dear!)