Pages Written... 2
Listening to... Evanescence
Exercise Done... Crying. Lots of it.

The day started out early. I was up and awake at 4am, so I came out to the computer, checked my email, goofed off a bit. IM'd a friend who hadn't even gone to bed yet, and we discussed career moves - lots of fun for one who's on fresh coffee and one who's on cold coffee - and too much of it.

Finally got myself into the shower and started my day. All seemed well until I caught Winston Churchill the 3rd (my Himalayan/Manx mix cat) peeing against a wall in my hallway. He's been acting weird, but eating and drinking just fine to all appearances. So I tossed him out and didn't think much of it. Cleaned up after him (not that bad at all.)

Took the kids to school, took the first half of my novel to a friend of mine who used to be Sidney Sheldon's personal assistant for several years (she took a couple of his books down in dictation, then typed them up - pre-computer age), and had a terrific cup of coffee with her. She's agreed to give it the once-over for clarity and consistency (and was excited to do it, too! Woo! The absolute highlight of my day!).

Got home. Walked outside, found cat fast asleep behind his favorite tree, his head against the wall of the house. Now I wish I had a picture of it, but I guess it's just a picture of the heart. Anyway. Puttered around the computer, doing this and that, just getting ready to write when the cat tries to come in the cat door (which I'd blocked).

I let him in, pick him up - and there's a huge growth between his hind legs, and he's soiled himself. I wrap him in a towel, call hubby and tell him I'm taking him to the vet, call the vet and tell them no, 2pm won't work, I'll be there in five minutes before you go to lunch...upshot was, urinary tract blockage which lead to a prolapsed colon. His bad heart (and I've got to confess, our extremely thin pocketbook) eliminated surgery as an option. I cried the entire time I was in the Vet's office.

At noon, my vet shaved his back leg, and injected him with a pinkish barbituate. His head was in my right hand, my left hand on his body, and before the hypodermic was half-emptied into his body, he relaxed his head against my hand. A minute later he was gone.

Stepping on a snail is one thing. Feeling a cat's life slip away is another.

Originally I was going to say, screw the writing. I deserve a day off. But in the end the writing was one of the few things that still made sense. I only got two pages done. But they were hard-fought pages.

I'm still crying, my eyes hurt and are swollen. I wore sunglasses most of the day today, and shopping this evening was a surreal experience. My body is full of crying toxins (as my hubby says) and I'd love to exercise, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight I can only drink wine, drink water, and eat spirulina like it's going out of style.

There are some people who will say, it was only a cat. Don't make such a big deal about it. But today I realized, with a slam to my heart, that cats have souls, too.

And only a few people can recognize them.