I gave my adoptive mother a little bit of hell shortly after we were adopted. I told her that she couldn't adopt me cause she was my real mother-she looked that much like my real mother. This caused real havoc with her aunts, one who could be a real, bitch for lack of better term. There was no physical way that my mother could have given birth to me, and this aunt knew it, but she offered $5000 to anyone who could provide proof otherwise. And she said this to my mother-this is the woman who had a main hand in raising my mom after her mom died when she was nine. (I know something is wrong with that sentence but in 50 years I haven't been able to figure out how to say it better.)
Anyway, last night and today I have been thinking on how if I had really understood what was going on how much better my life and my adoptive mothers (my mom's-cause that is who she was) would have been. I am extremely happy to know that I was not just "tossed out" that my birth mom did love me; I am glad to have that memory to work from. And now I have to rework a lot of my own self to realize that what I thought about myself was not true, and what others told me in times of anger, were not true. (MOM = adoptive mom-would say things like no wonder your mother didn't want you...; etc. I don't think she realized the damage to the psyche she was doing.) But the shift has started and my husband made a comment last night that he expects me to start researching my birth history. I don't know if I am ready for that. Massachusettes has opened their sealed adoptions, so the door is opened. I just have to talk to my sister before I really take that step. I think that it is one we may want to take together. Anyone out there with this type of history? Adoption I mean.

On a crochet note. I have started crocheting squares out of yarn that someone gave me. Still can't find all my hooks and we are still not unpacked-so we will see when those show up. We have a 3 day weekend this weekend. Much to get done!!!!!