Can we go back to sleep? No real reason to except its dark outside still. I think, its wet outside. I am at work. I don't have a window to see if the sky is getting lighter. I did do some writing but until we get a new computer and I can take over the laptop, it is going to be difficult at best.

We have 1 laptop, my husband has his work computer, we have 1 permanent desk, 1 portable desk, and all of our financial records are on the laptop and it is tax time and he is panicing because he never changed his withholding. (both of our jobs rely on paying our taxes-state, federal and local in a timely manner). Then he tries to tell me we don't have the money for me to visit my sister in May (it's been 10 years) like we've planned because I missed 2 days of pay and we are short for taxes. But he hasn't done the taxes yet. So, how does he know? He was suppose to change his withholding when he got his last raise, he was also suppose to change his retirement. Now he is saying "we don't have the money to do that." No, what he should be saying, "we have to stop ordering out, and cook instead." Which means he will have to help clean up-which he doesn't want to do cause he is too tired and in too much pain.

Yes he does have pain, but sometimes I wonder how much he really has. If someone has that much pain, they will not do activities to cause more- i.e. walk around wal-mart instead of using the electrical cart. "it is too different from the wheel chair and I don't want to hurt some one." Eating ice cream when he knows he developes calcium kidney stones and excess calcium intake causes several non-removal stones to be aggravated. Yes I am venting. If I don't do it here, I will do it to his face and I can't do that. I already told him this weekend that he needs to talk to his doctor.

I am it for him-his friend, his confidant, his wife, his companion, his all. There is no one else. This is not healthy. He does not really have any other outside activity that he will maintain for any length of time. As soon as he finds one, he will give it up if it becomes 'time consuming'. Once he realizes that he will spend as much time on it as I can spend on my writing, reading, crocheting- he stops it because it "takes time away from us." But is this unusual-do many men react this way to marriages after awhile-where the women are their "all"? Is it just the women that need the other social outlet? The other emotional connections with activities? Or am I the weird one? should my husband be enough?