Last night we continued our talk. The counselor wanted us to come up with a plan. So we talked. This started as our "normal 1/2 down time" talk and just morphed. We talked and talked. Hubby actually broke down how much time we spend together during the week. It really isn't a whole lot of time on a day to day basis. Less than 10 minutes in the morning-especially since I am now using makeup like most professional women who work here. (it has been noticed & I have been complimented on it-it also doesn't run off if I start to 'glow') Weekends are different. Evenings are different. We haven't been eating lunch together and both of us miss it. Planning a night by night schedule ahead locks us in to something that needs to be flexible for both of us.

So we came up with a plan of sorts. More of an agreement: 1 mornings stay the same - no real choice, we need to sleep and things need to be done the way they are. 2. Lunch we will try to eat together-may be outside, may be in cafe even if we bring lunch. Allows us to touch base, insures he eats lunch, and we are going back to Atkins lifestyle since we both felt better on it. (more to come on that.) 3. Evenings will be planned daily- by how we are feeling-if I need time to self- if I have crochet meeting, if show is on we both like, if feel like playing a game. In other words more flexibility. I will be stating if I need time-to read, to study out a crochet pattern. I may even use his help. If he needs time to work on budget or whatever. 4. Weekends will be planned by both of us. Merging alone time with joint time. I will let him know if I need that time.

He needs more contact time with me. But I am coming to realize something about myself. Although I am the more social of the two of us, I actually need more space in between. I need alone time. Time with no contact with anyone. Time to be in my own head, by myself. He doesn't need that as long as I am around.

I think that I started needing this time when I was around 12 or so. This morning I remembered 'running away' when my parents were at a doctor's appointment. My sister and I were home and I just got it into me to leave for a couple of days 'to think'. I remember telling her that. Of course she called the doctors office is Boston (about 1 hour away). I got back home shortly after my folks made it home and caught hell. I would have made it back before them if she hadn't called, but she was scared.

Back to topic at hand. I don't know if this will really help, but I did tell him last night that I felt he just needed wife/work/home where I needed husband/work/home/and more. He said he needs more too-but I don't quite see it the same way. We will see what happens.

I also found out something that surprised me-he started to think that I might be having an affair-a long time ago-like over 10 years ago when I started staying out of work alot. To get my alone time. He never asked me. (just in case wondering-no I have ALWAYS been faithful) It was all circumstancial_out on the same day of week, sound relatively happy, healthy when he would call, mood down turn within 15 minutes of him coming home. Now his threats of divorce if I called in sick make sense. He doesn't believe that I did, but he had doubts for a long time-even once I moved here. Those have been resolved and laid to rest forever, I hope. There were no mysterious phone calls or other indicators but still, for that to come up surprised me.

I will see what happens next when I tell him I need time to read, or to organize craft stuff, though I probably will get his help with the organizing - he's good at that!!