Took a day off for myself today. Needed to-between hubby blaming me for going to bed late-I wanted to see 2nd NCIS LA season opener and it ended at 11. He was upset at me because I didn't catch his "I suppose you want to stay up for this" to mean 'I don't want to stay up, let's go to bed". He didn't say anything until we were going to bed and then he said, no time for cuddling, hugs etc. Then this morning when my foot was still swollen (I believe I broke my little toe at my daughters and reinjured it yesterday at work-it was really swollen and hurting when I got home-I couldn't walk when I got up) I told him I was staying home and using FMLA -stomach was acting up some too-he blew up and went off on how I changed from IL to DC. That I was lying to my boss and how could he trust that I would be telling dh the truth. HUH? He saw me hobble to the bathroom. He saw the swollen foot. He made the comment about no leave if I took the day off-FMLA covers that, then he goes off. Oh well, it is because of this that I have this journal. I can manage. I will not be staying up late, but did have some good. I am staying firm in my stands on what I do for myself.

I was going through some of my emails-I joined email list from a local yarn shop and she is having a yarn tasting-this sounds funny but a designer is coming and she is having a local cupcake shop cater and some cocktails in. This is on a Friday night in October. $60 for a package of yarns, cupcakes and cocktails. I have not been to this yarn shop. It is in a neighborhood with restaurants. I have wanted to visit for awhile but have not been able to convince DH to come with me and since I am not familiar with area don't want to go by myself at first-I do get lost easily at times. Anyway, he said ok, pay for it and we'll go, he'll drop me off. I spoke to owner of shop, explained his wheelchair problem-she said restaurants in area where he can stay for 1 1/2hrs -lots of people do the same. We can go out to eat first and then come home afterward. He thought this was a great idea.

This morning he changed his tune-said I was more excited by that than by this weekend. He mentioned this weekend for all of 2 minutes and then nothing definate!! He wants to see a movie that I want to see and I agreed-no times, he didn't get on the computer to see where and when it would be playing or anything. But I was the one who wasn't excited!!!! I know this cycle very well, and I know how to deal with it. I also know that if I wasn't working I would probably be better able to deal with it since I would have head space of my own. Maybe that is what today is really about-

He had asked me last night if I was going to need "Alone time" but at the time I didn't feel the need for it. I told him maybe Sunday afternoon-if no other couple plans-that is when he mentioned the movie and I said that the movie sounded great.

He had made supper since my foot was swollen (toe). He said he was going to play his computer game and I said that I was going to look through some of the catalogs that came in the mail while we were gone. I actually dozed of for half an hour. He said I really snored. But then I woke up-he had started supper and it was almost done. We ate and no problem-he put on tv and the night seemed to go well until the last NCIS issue.

The 11:00 bed time is too late and I know that, but when he wants to really see a show, or wants to argue about something then it is ok. If lovemaking isn't on the menu then he acts weird. I am still struggling to find the balance I need. When we were in Illinois, it seemed easier-we were together all the time so his needs were being met. Since we are now apart for work about 9 hours or so, not counting commuting time it is harder.