It was a quiet evening. Aparently having an arguement and clearing the air in a public place works for us-on Saturday. He wouldn't leave me stranded-even though I could get home by myself-public transportation is great and we had gotten there by train-I have my own card-though it would have been confusing I would have managed I am sure!!

As I said in my comments yesterday, I finally told my DH that out of all the conversations I have with people, it is only with him that I don't remember saying things-and I found that strange. It shut him up. I may have temporary lapses-and we all do that, but not every conversation. Since then that dance has ended. That boundary is firm. Don't tell me I said something I didn't. I am not that dumb. I may not say what I exactly mean right off the bat, I may have to explain myself-but I don't forget what I say. End of cycling this time of around and it has been over 48 hours. Hurrah!!

DH is home sick today, poor baby. We ordered pizza last night. Actually, we ordered Pizza Hutmacaroni and pizza-the pizza wasn't cooked-we got half/half-my half had ham/pineappe, his-sausage and something else. I had 1 bite-him 2-then we called PizzaHutt and complained-they resent the pizza. Unfortunately-his system reacted. He was on the throne most of the night. So, he's home, I am here. I didn't have that type of problem.

I am trying to finish the shawl that I started on the trip to DD house, Almost done. Then I have to find the handwritten notes for dh slippers-he cleared off the couch and the notes disappeared. without them very hard to finish 2nd slipper!!

I have been thinking alot about my life-obviously I have been writing about it alot. I have been boring all of you to death. Sometimes, I have been boring myself to death too!! But, this has been helping me more than you know. I see where I fall, and what I can do better. Its been over a year here, and some things are different. Some are the same, but that is life all over.

DH is DH. He will probably never change, but how I deal with him is changing. As I remain firm, and boundaries in place, yet loving with him it becomes calmer. When he knows I am still there with him, that my heart hasn't left, he calms-even after a temper tantrum in a public place-a quiet tantrum-we continued to enjoy our day. That is a major change. It use to be-homeward bound. I stood firm-we talked there. I didn't hang my head and follow him home. We worked it out and then finished our shopping and went to the movies and went out to eat and had a lovely evening. A beautiful evening. Did I cry-some, but it was controlled. and my head stayed up, uncowed. That is my boundary. I will not be cowed because DH does not understand a change I am going through.

Some of this is because I am starting to understand myself and my strengths. And my self is growing. It may be hard for some of you to understand but here it goes. My father was a tailor. He had a great sense of style, so did my sister. But for some reason, growing up-I just couldn't get it. I couldn't put an outfit together for myself for the life of me. The colors would be off, or the shirt would be wrong or something. Every time I would go shopping by myself, I would hear the same thing when I got back-"You really think 'that' looks good?!" The few times I went with TT,(whom parents didn't approve of)the feedback was worse from family. So I developed habit of having others pick out clothes for me-father, sister, army, dh, dd etc. you get the idea. Saturday-I was activly participating again-dh picked out top. I tried it on and it looked good with jeans, but when I walked out-it didn't look as good as it could, sales lady mentioned jeanings.(leggings & jeans combined.) I agreed to try them on-and they looked great. I said take it. Yes dh and salesperson helped, but I didn't 2nd guess myself. For the first time in a long time, I looked in the mirror and I really liked the person looking back. All the way through and through. Am I making sense? That is the change. NO ONE TOLD ME I LOOKED GOOD. I TOLD MYSELF. (although dh did say he liked the outfit) I TOLD MYSELF AND I WAS REALLY UP ON THAT FEELING. and believe it or not, that's what caused the arguement.

And I am still up on that feeling. It shows in my walk. Remember the movie "Saturday Night Fever" think of the theme song-it explains the feeling I am having.