last night I forgot my wallet at work-on my desk. I had pulled it out to remove extra change and got distracted. I work in a very small office that gets locked. It was knitting meeting night, DH had a fit-I remembered in restaurant, and didn't have the state of mind to cover it up-and he went into full panic mode. Doesn't trust my co-worker from hell-no she isn't thief, just very odd. He wouldn't stop the deep sighs and the "if it isn't there tomorrow, you and I..." with no finish to the sentence. When I reminded him that he has forgotten his wallet at work, he said he didn't remember doing that. Of course.

By the time the knitting meeting was over, he was calm. (of course wallet is here where I left it.)

I am going to have to learn to become a little more devious with things like this. It would have made the rest of our supper a lot more enjoyable.

Guys-you can ignore the rest if you want. Ladies-(especially OWLS, ideas?)

Time to really vent: I am tired of him thinking that I have control over certain normal body cycles. For 4 months I thought that finally, I AM DONE!! Nope, it came back. Now with a irregularity that is aggravating. I am going to be 53 this year, it has to stop soon right? But now he seems to think that I plan when it is going to happen and his snide remarks about-"of course on a 3 day weekend" and similar vein comments. Then he said, "well no cuddling". That I called him on-I told him that when we cuddled there was not to be an expectation of making love, and it was comforting. His answer, "for you". I can see that happening occaisionally-not all the time OK, now the truth is out. No more feeling guilty about not wanting to cuddle. It does make our evenings more pleasant-even without love making, but I now KNOW FOR A FACT WHAT HIS EXPECTATIONS ARE!!! I am not 22 any more, I don't need it that often, and I don't want it that often. I was more than willing to compromise and understand his point and his needs but he has to understand mine too. Time to put up a boundary. I thought I had one he was respecting-I guess he was fooling me and I was fooling myself. Then he makes comments all night about just thinking about me turns him on. Wait a minute, he's 54. We went YEARS without this constant need.....something isn't adding up. Shall we say control.

I have noticed one thing. We now live less than 50 feet away from the 'fitness center' in our apartment building. We have bought appropriate clothing. I have brought up scheduling time to work out together. They have elliptical machines, treadmills, atlas machine, free weights and TVs. I pointed out that the best time would be right after we get home from work-it is not busy yet. His answer was that it would cut into cuddle time and then we need to start at 1 time a week (on the weekend) so we don't hurt ourselves. Uh, no. We can do 3 times a week, but very low intensity. And cuddle time can be later. He was not listening. Well, I may take that bull by the horns. The weekends are the busiest times!! Not going to work. Starting Monday, I am going to be working out on the Atlas maching. I am getting enough walking right now-throughout the day. Whenever I have to get up and move, I walk at a march pace-remembering cadence calls from military. I can breath and it is just fast enough to keep me going.