Yesterday I talked about the routine in my house while I was growing up-when my mom was healthy. But I didn't talk about Saturdays or Sundays. Saturdays dad worked. We were up before 7. Even through high school there was no such thing as sleeping in. I had responsibility for the formal dining room, my bedroom, the pantry and the hallway-all nicknacks washed in sink, all dusting and moped. My sister had the living room, the bathroom, her bedroom, and the kitchen. Except the rule was that the pantry had to be done before the kitchen, and guess who baked lots on Saturdays-which stopped me from cleaning the pantry until she was done, which meant I had to do the kitchen since I delayed my sister. Cause I could clean the pantry on Friday night-after supper. Never mind if we went out, or I was tired or anything like that. Everything had to be done a certain way and in a certain order. Never mind if you found a more efficient way to do it. Sometimes I would try to clean the pantry between 2:30 & 3:30 -right after I got home from school and before mom got home from work. It seemed as if the times I really did it carefully-it wasn't done good enough and the times I did it slapdash she raved at how well I did it! Of course my homework was suppose to be done before the housework on Fridays! My sister didn't seem to get into as much trouble with the housework as I did. I just never did it good enough for mom. Probably because good enough wasn't perfect. When mom was in the hospital-which was lots of times, shortcuts galore were taken. My dad knew. An aunt or uncle would pick us up at 11 on a Saturday and the house would be clean. We just didn't wash all the knicknacks in the sink and we worked together-sis would dustmop, I would run the carpet sweeper, we would both dust-and voila all would be done. We would play around too, which is something mom couldn't stand. Dad knew that we were taking the shortcuts-but since there was no dust, there was no foul.

These chores were in place before I was 9. (that was the first time I "ran away"-but that is a different story for another day.)

Now, the upside of mom baking was that when the dining room, hallway and bedroom were done-and I couldn't go anywhere till the pantry was cleaned, I couldn't play or read(verboten for me at home unless it was assigned homework); was that I watched my mom bake. So, even before home ec class in junior high, I knew how to measure ingredients, preheat the oven, clean up as you go etc. And for this I am thankful.

Now the reason for us girls doing all the housework was supposedly that my mother couldn't do it because of her health. When I started working, mom started charging me room & board $25 week, I was 16. Her reasoning was that I wasn't there to do the housework everyday. But she still wanted me to do the housework weekly. OK, I worked everyday after school and all day Saturdays. That left only Sundays. In 1974 $100/mo was alot out of my pay. I had to pay it weekly. I fussed about it-if I was paying room and board-then why the housework and didn't I get a 'day of rest'? We fought about it alot. Eventually-I prevailed. I still washed dishes, folded clothes (don't know how that became my permanent job but it did), swept kitchen floor (instead of grounding me-sweeping that floor 25 times at one wack was the punishment at times). But the major cleaning was not my total responsibilty I would help. Funny my sister didn't do more cleaning, nor did she ever pay room and board. My mother tried to say that they were going to put it in a bank account for me, but since I fussed and argued they weren't. Uh, no, that was never the plan. I opened my own account. My father didn't understand my mom's thinking either. He didn't want the money and when mom was in the hospital, he would find ways to give some of it back to me on the sly. couldn't let sister see cause then it would slip out to mom. But he could answer honestly that I had paid my room and board!

As time went on, After I graduated from high school and joined the adult working force, I had to give my father most of my paycheck-for us to continue to have a place to live, car to visit mom in hospital and car insurance to keep the car on the road. Mom had been sick and in hospital for over 1 1/2 years at that point and she didn't have any paycheck at all. Shortly befoe this time she went on medical disability-her pay had been cut. and I joined the Army. At first I volunteered my paycheck, but then he started asking me for more and more of it. Then I saw what was happening. I would keep some funds for myself=$50 payday-$25/wk, give him the rest. Then my sis would ask for money for material or a book or something else that she needed for college-fashion design. And there would go the money. I had saved up enough funds for a 2 year business school and was working on dorm fees. All the money was gone in less than 4months. After awhile I got tired of this-I joined the ARMY. My dad couldn't understand why I didn't send any of my army paycheck to my savings account. He was a cosigner on the account. I had $300 in the account in April 78, by December it was gone. That's why dad. I needed my paycheck for me. Sis never did pay any rent even when she was working.

Sorry for the sad tale. But it is helping me remember things that I have to resolve. Do I have anger about any of this-yes at times. But mostly I feel sorrow that my parents did not know me and my dad had forgotten alot of this by 95. Mom apologized for the amount of money they went through but she never made any steps to attempt or to offer to pay any back. (even the 2k that my grandmother gave to her for me after my grandfather died-since he didn't leave anything to the grandchildren she took it out of her share-and she was his 2nd wife.)

I know I was right to give the money to my parents, I was happy to do that. What always bugged me afterward was the expectation that I would continue doing that even when my paycheck was cut in half-joining the Army did that!