It is the last hour of the day. Time keeping is done, scheduling for next week is done. This cold is wiping me out, so I am trying to stay awake and look halfway intelligent while I sit at this desk. A very boring proposition.

Yesterday, on the other blog I read, someone wrote how they feel when they go to the doctors with their adopted children and there is a behavioral issue. A type of prejudice exists in the medical community against the adopted child-what is the biological background, history of drug use, why did mother give up child, lack of bonding, mental instability etc. Some of this makes sense and may have justification on a case by case history. What I am wondering though leads me further back. How long ago did medicos start keeping track of how orphans responded to being adopted and who/what agengy followed up with how well they did in their new homes. And how much of this information was given to prospective adoptive parents. In a "well you do know that an older child may have these problems...." scenario. That would explain so much about my mother's attitudes in childrearing.

My sister explained it oh so well to me one day. "Not only did we have to be good. We had to be better than any of our cousins." If they all behaved at the family function, then we had better have been angels. Of course, being relatively normal children, you can see what happened. Normal childhood occurances were blown out of proportion in her mind. Because, sis was 3 and I was 5 when adopted, and lord knows what problems had to be conquered.

Now, I will admit that I did have adjustment problems. First, I vaguely remembered my biological mom-enough to tell my adoptive mom that she couldn't adopt me, she was my mom. At that time the state would try to match general descriptions of mothers,if known. They though it helped the children. Uh, no. Confused the heck out of this one.

Mom's expectations were high. I could never understand why. Now I think I do. She was trying to make sure that any possible 'bad blood' we may have had was over ruled by her teachings. A little overkill, I think.

When I was 18-19, I paid for counseling on my own. Life with mom was not settling down no matter what I did or didn't do. Eventually, things were evened out and determined that I was not crazy. No determination made on Mom, but I was given tools to work with to handle her. Sis never did learn how to. Neither did Dad-but he was never a problem to her. I was.

MC went ok last night, I guess. B had got himself worked up about something and was emotional-too emotional to begin the EMDR. He said that he couldn't talk to me about the issue so I said to the MC and he said no. I made a point to brint it up to the MC right at the beginning. The MC asked if B would talk w/o me in the room. So I left for half the time. No problem. I don't think he is fooling her though.

B let it 'slip' today the issue has to do with holding me. Uh, not falling for that one. Yes, nice to hold and be held, but my pace. And MC upheld that yesterday. She also told him what to do when he is feeling 'hurt' or 'fearful' from his childhood. Basic things we do as adults when we have to calm ourselves down. He doesn't have her fooled for a minute!

B said something in counseling and MC saw me react as if I were saying 'BS". And told B that she agreed with me. Shocked the heck out him.

A good thing, I had my last PT appointment yesterday. So next weeks MC appointmet will be earlier in the evening. So we will be getting home way before 10. Sweetie will love that. She hates not having some lap time in the evening!!