I know I have complained about my husband alot here. I know I gave an ultimantum (sp?) to him and so marriage counseling began. Well, our MC is on vacation this month, and I was afraid. And last night I was very afraid. All I could see were the negative what ifs? What if I did lose my job? What if doc didn't want to support me staying at work? And down the spiral went.

And a surprising thing happened. B came through. Supper was cooking and he literaly took me into the only place where we could sit facing each other. Me on the throne and he on the desk chair he uses in the kitchen. And we talked. Or I should say he talked. He told me that when I layed down the law and said a divorce was imminent if things didn't change, my body responded positivly, so I needed to make a decision. And he asked a very important question. Did I WANT to continue working? I had to make a decision, to make up my mind once and for all. So I thought deeply. The answer was a resounding yes. His response-"That is all you have to remember and work for. Forget the rest. You know what you need to tell the doctor. You can get the doctor's help to do it. And you can do it."

Later I asked him, "What happens if I do all I can, the doc supports me, but the investigators still recommend dismissal? What will you respond with?" He answered, "You have done what you can. We will deal with it together."

Now, I do expect some type of backlash. He's human. But the change is totally different this time. Last time I got this letter, the lecture came out, the list of what we would have to give up etc. This time, it was more of a "I feel for you, what can I do to help you?" Perfect all the time no, perfect for this situation, yes.

I think part of what is helping, is being in this little apartment. No distractions. No tv, internet. We watch a movie, or part of one every night, But we get lots of personal interaction. Talking, relaxing and joking around. It is good. We both are relaxed, together.


Right now I feel for poor Sweetie. Yesterday when I got home, she jumped on the bed, very vocal and wouldn't leave me alone. She missed me. And today as I was getting dressed, she looked up at me with 'puppy dog' eyes. She wants a lap to lay in. Oh, well, she'll get it tonight.