Holding the sacred space of possibility as Kathleen Ingram calls it. She who stands in the middle of the round pen, arena or even at the center of the home and resists the urge to fix everyone. As a woman, an empath to a severe degree and someone who trains people to work with horses, I can say that one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is to witness. To watch something transpire, watch someone hurt and just simply witness the struggle unfold before me. We walk through our lives with friends, family, husbands, boyfriends and many people we work with, love or both. And ask yourself when someone calls you and is having a rough time, what do you do? Do you jump in and fix them? Or do you stand back and let them hurt? Now before you jump in on me here and say “lend a helping hand!” let me remind you that unless someone really experiences something in the present moment of life they will be forced to learn it again later only to perhaps a more severe degree. Please see lesson #4 of The Rules for Being Human. You often don’t serve anyone a great justice by holding their hand and coddling them through their own emotional turmoil.

I realize perhaps that this might seem a bit harsh, but think of putting yourself in their position, when someone is depressed why do you try so hard to fix them? Is it because you want to see the whole world full of peace, love, fluffy bunnies and candy hearts? Or is it because it hurts YOU to watch someone you love hurt? When in fact most of the time it really isn’t hurt, all they are doing is experiencing life! Being a teacher or a parent often involves stepping outside of the situation and allowing the person you love experience the emotion for themselves.

I’ve had my share of sadness and often I believe I’m not out of the woods yet so to speak. There are days when my world is so gray it’s all I can do to breath or sit still, also I choose to share my life with people who have these same gray days. There are times when I reach out, pull them up, help them dust off and give them a new prospective, then I expect them to stand on their own two feet and face the music.

I’ve been called stoic or stone faced by many people, more times than I can count. In truth I am not this way, really the reason for that stoic face is years and years of practice holding back the emotional tides that threaten to drown, me, and those I love. I struggle to remain reflective; it’s a constant challenge for me. If you wonder why I chose to work with horses, try it sometime, it’s the ultimate form of emotional connection. Horses DEMAND this from you in order to be affective, and really as people we should be demanding it of those we love as well. I've seen too many people lose control around a horse and decide they "hate" horses, more times than not it's the individuals own disassociation with their own emotions that scares them - not the thousand pound animal.

So perhaps I’m suffering from a weekend candy heart hangover or emotional one, can’t decide which but the ever provoking though of staying present in my own emotions enough to allow others to experience their own seems like the ultimate Valentine gift this year.