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Cardinal Law to Walk Earth, Atone for Sins
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Cardinal Law held a press conference today to discuss what he would do with his life now that the Pope has accepted his resignation.

"I plan to walk the earth," Law said. "I realize the grievous toll of pain and suffering that my inhuman negligence has caused to so many. I can never fully atone for what I have done, but in the remaining years of life that God has given me, I will humbly try.

"I set out on a journey, from this very press conference podium, with nothing but the clothes on my back, and the heavy guilt that burdens my heart. I reliquish all worldly possessions and sever the emotional ties with those I know and love, because I am not worthy of their love until I am able to atone for what I have done.

"I will walk from town to town, seeking to help those in need and comfort those in sorrow. I will try, in whatever way I can, to redress the suffering I have caused by attempting to relieve the suffering of all I encounter in my new journies.

"I don't know when, or if, I shall ever return to my home, but I believe this is the right thing to do, and with the Lord by my side, I believe He will guide me along this uncertain path of atonement and self-redemption."

An Associated Press reporter then stood and asked: "Really?"

Cardinal Law broke down in laughter. "Naw," he said. "I'm just fucking with you guys."

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