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The Breakfast From Hell
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A friend sent me this review of Swanson's new "Hungry-Man All Day Breakfast", and it's pretty goddamn funny.

Don't get me wrong, eating this would be acceptable for certain types of people. I guess football players could get away with it. Plus, if you're already 400+ pounds with no foreseeable future as a human being who doesn't resemble a monster truck, you may as well throw caution to the wind and chow down. Fill your bowl full of jelly with a tray full of dead animals and chicken miscarriages. But for people who can safely walk on the second floor? You may wanna stick to the Pop Tarts.

Yes, it's in poor taste, but yes, I laughed.

On the "sausage links":

Makes you wonder if Swanson's assembly line includes a few specially trained apes who run around the belt shitting in the trays at timed intervals.

On the "eggs":

The consistency is more like pound cake, the aroma is more like Petland's rabbit section. I'm a little bias because I fear eggs in general, but I've certainly seen enough of them to know that these eggs have some serious issues. I'd like to sit down with the eggs - I'd like to discuss these issues with them. I feel I can offer some newfound hope to these poor eggs, which even while next to sausagey dog shit, still manage to look creepy.

God, I love the internet.

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