I know you guys don't actually want to read my commentary on politics or religion or art or science, but the things that really matter, like my ongoing breakfast frustrations.

And so you shall have them.

I've been boycotting Corner Bakery ever since they served me a blueberry muffin with no friggin' blueberries in it. So this morning I tried La Madeleine, knock-off French bakery extraordinaire.

I walked into the Bakery/To Go section, and there were two elderly women at the register. The first was actually engaged with the cashier, saying something about catering she'd ordered over a week ago and how the order wasn't filled, and so on, and so on. I waited for a few minutes, and the second woman kept turning to me, rolling her eyes and holding up her hands in a gesture that said, "Can you believe this?" The woman obviously wanted me to shake my head, empathize, and say something like, "No, I can't believe it. You and your friend have been horribly wronged by this establishment, and you have my sincerest sympathies."

But all I wanted was an effing muffin.

After only a short while I realized that the catering dispute was going to take a long time to resolve, so I moved into the long serving line, where no one was waiting. I asked a nice fellow for a blueberry muffin to go, and he bagged one up for me.

Then I moved to the line register. No one was there. I glanced back at the bakery register, and old lady #1 was still arguing with the staff, while old lady #2 was still shuffling around behind her, rolling her eyes, holding up her hands, and trying to get someone to acknowledge that La Madeleine was a hellish example of substandard customer service. No takers, though.

Meanwhile, I waited, while staff wandered by. Finally, a woman came to the register to ring me out. She told me the total, and I handed her a $20 bill, the only money I had in my wallet.

She looked at it for a second, then took it, and muttered, "Shit." Apparently her register didn't have change for a $20, so she had to go to another register.

Now, I'm sympathetic to the plight of customer service representatives. I've been one. But I'm pretty sure muttering expletives does not put a smile on your customers' faces. A register should have change for a $20. It's not an unreasonable amount of tender for even a small transaction. It's the only thing most bank machines spit out for you. If it's too damn big, then why don't we just do away with it and use tens?

But finally I got out of purgatory with my muffin. And what of that muffin, you ask? Well, it did have blueberries in it...quite a few, in fact. But despite being chock full of blueberries, it was unusually bland. All in all, it was a very mediocre muffin.

And so I can only come to one irrefutable conclusion:

There is a god, and it does not want me eating blueberry muffins.