America is apparently the only country that gives a shit about Iran developing nukes. We can't even get reasonably strong language in a U.N. Resolution regarding Iran's nuclear program.

The American suggestions also were made available to the AP. They demand Iran grant agency inspectors "complete, immediate and unrestricted access;" provide "full information" about past illegal nuclear activities; suspend "immediately and fully" uranium enrichment and related activities; and meet all agency demands to "resolve all outstanding issues" nurturing suspicions of a possible weapons program.

We also wanted a deadline, with some indication of consequences (presumably sanctions). The IAEA's response?

ElBaradei shrugged off the idea of a deadline.

"We cannot just say there is a magic date," for an end to his agency's Iran probe, he said. He also repeated that his investigation has not definitely established whether Iran is trying to make nuclear arms -- as Washington asserts.

No magic date. And the head of the freakin' IAEA is suggesting that Iran's nuclear program (Iran...one of the most oil-rich countries in the world) is for peaceful energy. Give me a fucking break.

Meanwhile, here's the European version of the resolution, which is most likely the one that will carry.

It's got language like this:

4. Calls again on Iran, as a further confidence-building measure, voluntarily to reconsider its decision to start construction of a research reactor moderated by heavy water.

I don't know...I think that's still probably a little too harsh. How about:

4. Requests nicely, with sugar on top, that Iran, if they really, really want to (but nobody's saying they have to), voluntarily and of their own accord and without any outside pressure or even the hint of pressure, sort of, you know, reconsider its decision (which is still totally its decision) to start construction of a research reactor moderated by heavy water.

And the resolution concludes:

8. Decides that in this context it will, notably on the basis of that report, make a definitive determination on whether or not further steps required, in relation to Iran's obligations under its Safeguards Agreement and to the requests made of Iran by the Board in previous resolutions.

They're going to request a report, then look at the report, then "make a definitive determination" on whether or not further steps are required. Wow. Goddamn. If I were Iran I'd be quakin' in my boots. They're going to make a definitive determination on whether or not they need to do anything else.

We will heretofore determine that we will decide whether or not there will need to be more determinations and decisions in the future.

This shit is a parody of itself.