Silly Thinking

Hello again everyone this is Jim Farris filling in for Douglas Lain while he's on assignment here on "Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain (AKA: We've Lost All Our Readers, But Who Cares?) Now with Guest Writer Jim Farris".

While I was off for the Labor Day holiday the management here at "silly Thinking..." called to talk to me about the material I've been doing.
First of all I did'nt know that this website was a subsidary of Beatrice Foods. And second of all I did'nt know I would be dealing with a board of Directors that oversee everything Douglas does.
They said they were happy overall with the new direction "Silly Thinking.." was taking but enjoyed the "funny" columns more than the serious ones.
As one board member said: "Why do you think we got rid of Lain?"
I said I thought he left on his own, the board laughed and laughed and said he wasn't funny enough.
They wanted more features, like celebrity profiles and gossip, and wry satire and less (quoting them) "Links to dull quotes from dull eggheads.. and boring left wing political crapola."
Well they pay the bills.

Welcome to our new Tuesday feature "CELEBRINET NEWS".

Hi kids and welcome to the only place on the net where you'll hear THIS FIRST!!!!!!

Taking a page from DEMI and ASHTON, old right wing REPUBLIMEGASTAR BRUCE is dating a 23 year old unkown ACTRESS. It seems BRUCIE wants some of that HOT YOUNG ACTION hisownselfie!!! BRUCIE BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!


It looks like JURRASIC HOLLYWOOD BAD BOY CHARLES BRONSON kicked the bucket over the weekend. Hope you didn't have a DEATH WISH, CHUCKIE. Hey CHUCKIE you were a DOLL, MAN. STAY YOUR BAD OLD SELF!!!!


Are the rumors true? Are J LO AND BEN on the rocks? On a recent JAY LONNYLENO talkfest BEN said "NOOOOO!!!" Right BEN, sure.
KEEP IT HERE FOR ALL THE LATEST ON GAYLO JLO AND REVERSE FAGHAG BENOOO!!!!!


ETHAN AND UMA ARE SPLITSVILLE!!! after UM found out about ETH and a CANADIAN MODEL heating it up in the COLD CANADIOO BACKWOODS!!!
Niether one of these PRETTY DITTIES should have any trouble getting together with ANY-BODY they WANTIE.Hey ETHAN want MY NUMBER????!!!!


WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Former rocker PAULIE MACARTNEY gave away the bride in a SHOTGUN WEDDIN' in merry old Scotland over the weekend. Seems MCART"S DAUGHT tied the knot with BRIT PUBLISHER ALASDHAIR WILLIS. AL AND PAULIE JR. did it up in a GOTH castle with CELEB'S GALORE in attendance. MADONNA (fresh from her GAYLO KISS on MTV last week- ohh MAD!!) was there with CHRISSIE (Were just friends) HYNDE. WASHED UP MACCART'S BRIDE HEATHER showed along with GUCCI-WHUCCHI TOM FORD and CHRIS MARTIN from COLDPLAY. WHAT NO RINGO?


And finally: Former somebody MOLLY RINGWALD is preggies and 'spectin her BABE in NOV. Seems the 16 CANDLES RED HAIRED X BRAT PACK BITCH married PANIO GIANOPOULOUS a WRITER AND EDITOR.


PAY ATTENTION DOUGIE WOOGIE LAIN. MOLLO AND PAULO JUNIOR BOTH MARRIED WRITERS AND EDITORS. YOU MAY GET SOME YET!!!

WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW KIDDIES and remember YOU READ IT HERE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!