Silly Thinking

"Celebrinet" with Sy Gold originally scheduled for today will not be seen at this time so we can bring you this Special Report from Silly Thinking in New York.

Here is Connie Chung.



CC: Good afternoon and welcome to this Special Report on the dissappearance of "Celebrinet" host Sy Gold.
I'm Connie Chung.
To most "Silly Thinking" readers Sy Gold needs no introduction, a newspaper entertainment columnist for over forty years, he had been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize and was happily retired in Florida when "S.T." editor Jim Farris sought him out in Ft. Lauderdale.


JF: Well I knew we had something special with "Celebrinet" but it needed a forceful personality. I immediatly thought of Sy Gold, he worked for several New York newspapers and his trademark line "Hi ya kiddies! Let's go to press" was part of the culture; hell, kids said it going to school. We had a hard time finding him he was retired. I tracked him down in Ft. Lauderdale and we talked on the phone. As soon as I heard his voice I knew he would be perfect for our feature.


CC: So, Sy came out of retiremnt at an undisclosed age to be the host of "Celebrinet" here at "Silly Thinking".
It was an immediate success but there were problems...


JF: Yes, there were problems. The public loved Sy and I loved Sy, but some of the suits here at "S.T." didn't like him or the show. They wanted something a little more high tone I think.


CC: Douglas Lain.


DL: I mean his little thing was OK. Personally I didn't mind him. He did call me Douggly Wouggly though. I didn't like that.
The thing is, we were doing serious political and social commentary and even some hard news stories and then we have this fluff. This... gossip column. I thought it was in bad taste.
Also, I resent that Jim would call me a "Suit."


CC: Douglas Lain became the editor in chief and CEO of "Silly Thinking" twice last year and during his second term he asked for changes.


DL: I mentioned to Jim Farris that maybe "Celebrinet" was not a good fit with our other features and maybe we could, you know, look at ways to fix it. That's all.


JF: He wanted me to kill it. He wanted to fire Sy Gold and he wanted more political opinion stuff on "Silly Thinking". I'm sorry did I say HE wanted to fire Sy? I meant HE wanted ME to fire Sy.


DL: No no no. I didn't want to fire anybody. I just suggested a few changes that's all.


CC: Things came to a head late last year when Jim Farris, Sy Gold, Marlon Brando, and many others walked out of "Silly Thinking".


MB: Yeah. Wouggly wanted changes and Furnace didn't like bieng told what to do and he walked. Furnace had brought me to "Silly Thinking" and I left with him and Sy walked as well.


DL: They all left and threatened law suits. Jim Farris and I were just talking about a few suggestions and he blew up and walked out. I mean it's business and Farris took it personally I think.


JF: The man calls me in the middle of the night at my home and rambles on about injecting left wing political ideology into "Brando" and "Celebrinet" and again asks me to dump Sy Gold. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. AT MY HOME! Does that sound like business to you?


CC: That's when Marlon Brando stepped in.


MB: I negotiated a peace and had Sy and Wouggly Douggly come on my show and kiss and make up. Lain got his political thing and I got my show and Sy got "Celebrinet" back on the air.


CC: Everyone was happy it seemed, and over the holidays the board of "S.T.", a board of directors that is split over what direction "S.T." should take, leased a yacht and gave it Sy Gold for a vacation.


JF: I've heard that some members of the board still were loyal to Douglas and some like Marlon and me. But, everything seemed fine.


DL: I don't know about the board. They went along with the peace treaty that Marlon Brando had negotiated.I thought it was very generous to give Sy that boat. A nice Christmas present.


CC: Sy Gold and his wife went for thier holiday cruise on December 23rd and that's the last time anyone heard from Sy Gold. The yacht and the Gold's dissappeared. Then last weekend something happened.


JF: We were doing our regular weekend feature "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities" when suddenly Sy appeared. He kind of looked like an angel.


CC: Host of "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities" Dead Announcer.


DA: We were just finishing with Jim Morrison when I thought I saw Sy Gold. Morrison freaked out. I thought it was like "Close Encounters". You know, "Want to report something seven?" Remember that?


CC: Then it happened again on Sunday.


MB: I talked about it on my show. Gold suddenly is flying all over the place and then I saw him in my dreams. I asked Leonard Peltier to investigate.


CC: "The Marlon Brando Show" announcer, Leonard Peltier.


LP: Marlon asked me to look into it. So I did. Farris and Lain evidently didn't know anything about it other than he got this boat and went on a cruise. I looked into the boat thing. It was an old creaky yacht. The owners warned the buyers that it wasn't ready for a cruise and needed lots of repairs. He told me they laughed and wrote a check and took the boat away.
The boat was bought by a subsidary of "Silly Thinking" called "Funny Thinking Inc."


CC: We did some checking and found a lot of small companies are subsidaries of "Silly Thinking" and "Funny Thinking Inc." is part of "Silly Thinking International" an arm of this orginization that markets "S.T." in syndication worldwide. It's President is Douglas Lain.


DL: I got that as part of reorganization after the settlement. It's just a title really. I've never even have been to the headquarters.


LP: Anyway the boat was caught in a storm and crashed in the Fajita Narrows near Bermuda.


CC: We took the story from there and found that the boat was destroyed and Sy Gold did survive but is in a coma.
Now exclusivley here for the first time is Nancy Gold, the beautiful blonde 23 year old wife of Sy Gold, from The Fajita Narrows Community Hospital near Bermuda.
Mrs. Gold. Can you hear me?


NG: Yes Connie, hello.


CC: Hello Mrs. Gold. Tell us what happened.


NG: Well Sy was the Captain and I was the crew and we hit some bad weather and the boat began to break apart. It was like it was made of matchsticks and poor Sy. He was thrown from the wreckage and...ohh... I'm sorry.


CC: I'm sorry to press you. Take your time. You saw him thrown from the ship and...


NG:... and he was tossed around and I watched him go under and I was helpless... and... oohh.


CC: You watched him go under?


NG: Yes. I thought he was dead. I was sure he was dead. And then the Fajita shore patrol picked me up and brought me to the hospital and when I woke up the doctor's told me Sy had survived and was in a coma.


CC: When was that Mrs. Gold?


NG: This past weekend.


CC: So, Sy Gold has been a coma since this weekend and has not moved from his bed?


NG: That's right, Connie. The doctors say he may never recover and I... I'm sorry.


CC: Thank you Nancy Gold.
Well there you have it. What did we see this past weekend? And what did we see on yesterday's "Marlon Brando Show"?


MB: It was Gold flying around. I swear to God.


LP: Looked like a spirit.


CC: And what will happen with "Celebrinet"? And who is responsible for putting Sy Gold on a boat that they knew was not seaworthy?
So many unanswered questions.
But what we do know is Sy Gold is in a coma after this frightening nightmare.
We hope and pray for a full recovery and wish his beautiful young wife a safe return for her beloved husband.
He will keep you up to date on further developments on this baffling case. For now this Connie Chung in New York. See you later.


This has been a "Silly Thinking Special Report: The Disappearnce of Sy Gold".
"Silly Thinking": a new dedication to Journalism.

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"Jim Farris Presents Silly Thinking WIth Douglas Lain" It really is all here!