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The Marlon Brando Show
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From Hollywood!
It’s The Marlon Brando Show. Starring Marlon Brando.
Marlon’s guests tonight:
Funny man Bill Cosby!
and Actress Marlo Thomas!
Musical guests Armbruster And Dowd!
With Sy Henderson and The Marlon Brando Orchestra!
I’m Leonard Peltier. And now our very own Fat Albert! MARLON BRANDO!!!!!
MB: Thank you dear, dear, dear ones. Thank you sweethearts! Your marvelous, thank you dear ones, and welcome to The Marlon Brando Show. I am Marlon Brando your host for the program and that man right there is my good friend Leonard Peltier.
LP: Yes!
MB: Leonard, how are you my dear one?
LP: Yes. Tip top sir, and you?
MB: Oh you know, this and that. I had a pain. So I went to the doctor. you know, the medical doctor?
LP: Yes!
MB: You know, the Medicine Man. A doctor.
LP: I know what a doctor is.
MB: Yeah, you know. So I go to the doctor and he looks me over and he says ‘Mister Brando where is the pain you spoke to me about on the phone?’ You know he’s being a doctor. That’s what doctor’s do, you know. And for the life of me, I could not remember. The pain had gone away and I was thinking of other things. You know, orange trees, and how I used to blow big pink bubbles with bubble gum when I was a kid. You know, other things. So I told him I couldn’t remember and we talked about where it might be and I was just a blank. You know, blank.
LP: You were a blank sir!
MB: Exactly, Len. Exactly right. So.. I finally left and he, you know, the doctor, he was all ‘if it happens again, you know, come and see me.’ So…
Bill Cosby.
BC: Hello, Mister Brando. Hello.
MB: Hey! Hey! Hey! Bill Cosby.
BC: Mister Brando.
MB: You were on TV.
BC: Now wait a minute to you sir.
MB: Bill Cosby.
BC: You are Mister Marlon BRANDO! SIR! You won an Academy Award….
MB: Two.
BC: Two Oscars. AND YOU ARE MARLON… BRANDO! SIR!
MB: Cosby.
BC: And you are the man. On this show. You are the man. Mister Brando, sir!
MB: You were on TV.
BC: You know, sir. I am serious now, this Is kind of funny, my wife, do you have a wife? Are you married?
MB: Not at the present time.
BC: well then you wouldn’t understand about my wife, she runs my life! She says what I can and can’t eat, she tells me when to get up, and what I can watch on TV. She walks into the bedroom and see’s me watching TV and she says “are you watching this?” And I know it’s easier to say “no”.
You know, so I say “no”… you know. And so she changes the channel, and I just lie there, because it’s easier this way… with my wife you see. And she says “oh it’s ‘Law and Order’!” The show is on cable a hundred times a day, it’s no surprise, but she’s always surprised. “I love this show..” she says as she gets into bed with those cold feet. Now I can’t turn my feet around to get warm. I know this… you see. So I stick her feet in the crease between my legs, because if I don’t she’ll be mad. And she starts watching the show, and before the ‘Law’ part is over she’s asleep, you know. But she has the remote, and her legs are tangled up with mine. And I’m not asleep. The lights are on, and ‘Law And Order’ on the TV, and I try to get the remote without waking her up. And after struggling for 45 minutes I get the remote and turn off the TV and she suddenly wakes up and says “what was that?” And I say “nothing dear, just me.” And I roll over and turn off the light and she says “I was watching that!” And we start all over again! My wife…
MB: Uhh huh. I understand that. One time on my island I had too much ju ju juice, you know I was tight and a little native girl was there sprinkling flowers on my head. They do that, and I said “come here you little minx!” And I grabbed for her, I was going to have sex with her. And she hit me on top of the head with a basket and I hit the deck. And she ran away crying and, you know, I got up, dazed and confused, and I fell on the bed and passed out.
BC:…
MB: I dunno, but it seemed the same.
BC: Mister Brando! Sir!
MB: Marlo Thomas.
MT: Hi! Thank you, Hi Bill. Hello Marlon.
MB: That Girl! You were That Girl….
MT: Yes, that’s right, for five years.
MB: I loved that show. I loved the way you said “Donald”. Your boyfriend’s name on the show, “Donald”.
MT: Yes. Ted Bessel. He was wonderful.
MB: Donald. Say it.
MT: Donald?
MB: Say it the way you did on the show, you know “Don-u-ld”.
MT Say it? Uhh, Don-ald.
MB: No. The way you used to, ‘Don-u-ld”….
MT: Don-u-ld…?
MB: Ha ha hah ha. That’s great. Now, your married to Maury Povich?
MT: No. Phil Donahue.
MB: Donoho. He was on TV… something?
MT: Yes, he had a talk show.
MB: Who’s married to Maury Povich then?
MT: Umm…
LP: Connie Chung. Is married to Povich.
MB: That’s right. Chung. He has a talk show, right?
MT: umm, yes. In fact Oprah and Maury, and all those daytime shows use the format my husband invented.
MB: Oprah. Have you ever been on Oprah?
MT: Yes. A couple of times…
MB: Oprah’s a hump isn’t she?
MT: Well…
MB: A load. Oprah is a load. Isn’t she?
MT: No! She’s very nice…
MB: Pimps. They're all pimps, and when they're on I can’t watch my stories. Do you watch any soaps?
MT: No, not really.
MB: “All My Children”. I love “All My Children” with Jessica. I love her and that rat bastard she’s seeing. And then there are those punks that hang around. I love “All My Children”.
MT: Oh. No I don’t watch….
MB: See you next week.
LP: The Marlon Brando Show is a Mar-Bran, Jim-Far, Doug- Woug, Harpo Productions, production. Marlon Brando’s wardrobe provided by Western Costume Rentals. This blog was recorded.
Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain. Have you Silly Thinking lately?
It’s The Marlon Brando Show. Starring Marlon Brando.
Marlon’s guests tonight:
Funny man Bill Cosby!
and Actress Marlo Thomas!
Musical guests Armbruster And Dowd!
With Sy Henderson and The Marlon Brando Orchestra!
I’m Leonard Peltier. And now our very own Fat Albert! MARLON BRANDO!!!!!
MB: Thank you dear, dear, dear ones. Thank you sweethearts! Your marvelous, thank you dear ones, and welcome to The Marlon Brando Show. I am Marlon Brando your host for the program and that man right there is my good friend Leonard Peltier.
LP: Yes!
MB: Leonard, how are you my dear one?
LP: Yes. Tip top sir, and you?
MB: Oh you know, this and that. I had a pain. So I went to the doctor. you know, the medical doctor?
LP: Yes!
MB: You know, the Medicine Man. A doctor.
LP: I know what a doctor is.
MB: Yeah, you know. So I go to the doctor and he looks me over and he says ‘Mister Brando where is the pain you spoke to me about on the phone?’ You know he’s being a doctor. That’s what doctor’s do, you know. And for the life of me, I could not remember. The pain had gone away and I was thinking of other things. You know, orange trees, and how I used to blow big pink bubbles with bubble gum when I was a kid. You know, other things. So I told him I couldn’t remember and we talked about where it might be and I was just a blank. You know, blank.
LP: You were a blank sir!
MB: Exactly, Len. Exactly right. So.. I finally left and he, you know, the doctor, he was all ‘if it happens again, you know, come and see me.’ So…
Bill Cosby.
BC: Hello, Mister Brando. Hello.
MB: Hey! Hey! Hey! Bill Cosby.
BC: Mister Brando.
MB: You were on TV.
BC: Now wait a minute to you sir.
MB: Bill Cosby.
BC: You are Mister Marlon BRANDO! SIR! You won an Academy Award….
MB: Two.
BC: Two Oscars. AND YOU ARE MARLON… BRANDO! SIR!
MB: Cosby.
BC: And you are the man. On this show. You are the man. Mister Brando, sir!
MB: You were on TV.
BC: You know, sir. I am serious now, this Is kind of funny, my wife, do you have a wife? Are you married?
MB: Not at the present time.
BC: well then you wouldn’t understand about my wife, she runs my life! She says what I can and can’t eat, she tells me when to get up, and what I can watch on TV. She walks into the bedroom and see’s me watching TV and she says “are you watching this?” And I know it’s easier to say “no”.
You know, so I say “no”… you know. And so she changes the channel, and I just lie there, because it’s easier this way… with my wife you see. And she says “oh it’s ‘Law and Order’!” The show is on cable a hundred times a day, it’s no surprise, but she’s always surprised. “I love this show..” she says as she gets into bed with those cold feet. Now I can’t turn my feet around to get warm. I know this… you see. So I stick her feet in the crease between my legs, because if I don’t she’ll be mad. And she starts watching the show, and before the ‘Law’ part is over she’s asleep, you know. But she has the remote, and her legs are tangled up with mine. And I’m not asleep. The lights are on, and ‘Law And Order’ on the TV, and I try to get the remote without waking her up. And after struggling for 45 minutes I get the remote and turn off the TV and she suddenly wakes up and says “what was that?” And I say “nothing dear, just me.” And I roll over and turn off the light and she says “I was watching that!” And we start all over again! My wife…
MB: Uhh huh. I understand that. One time on my island I had too much ju ju juice, you know I was tight and a little native girl was there sprinkling flowers on my head. They do that, and I said “come here you little minx!” And I grabbed for her, I was going to have sex with her. And she hit me on top of the head with a basket and I hit the deck. And she ran away crying and, you know, I got up, dazed and confused, and I fell on the bed and passed out.
BC:…
MB: I dunno, but it seemed the same.
BC: Mister Brando! Sir!
MB: Marlo Thomas.
MT: Hi! Thank you, Hi Bill. Hello Marlon.
MB: That Girl! You were That Girl….
MT: Yes, that’s right, for five years.
MB: I loved that show. I loved the way you said “Donald”. Your boyfriend’s name on the show, “Donald”.
MT: Yes. Ted Bessel. He was wonderful.
MB: Donald. Say it.
MT: Donald?
MB: Say it the way you did on the show, you know “Don-u-ld”.
MT Say it? Uhh, Don-ald.
MB: No. The way you used to, ‘Don-u-ld”….
MT: Don-u-ld…?
MB: Ha ha hah ha. That’s great. Now, your married to Maury Povich?
MT: No. Phil Donahue.
MB: Donoho. He was on TV… something?
MT: Yes, he had a talk show.
MB: Who’s married to Maury Povich then?
MT: Umm…
LP: Connie Chung. Is married to Povich.
MB: That’s right. Chung. He has a talk show, right?
MT: umm, yes. In fact Oprah and Maury, and all those daytime shows use the format my husband invented.
MB: Oprah. Have you ever been on Oprah?
MT: Yes. A couple of times…
MB: Oprah’s a hump isn’t she?
MT: Well…
MB: A load. Oprah is a load. Isn’t she?
MT: No! She’s very nice…
MB: Pimps. They're all pimps, and when they're on I can’t watch my stories. Do you watch any soaps?
MT: No, not really.
MB: “All My Children”. I love “All My Children” with Jessica. I love her and that rat bastard she’s seeing. And then there are those punks that hang around. I love “All My Children”.
MT: Oh. No I don’t watch….
MB: See you next week.
LP: The Marlon Brando Show is a Mar-Bran, Jim-Far, Doug- Woug, Harpo Productions, production. Marlon Brando’s wardrobe provided by Western Costume Rentals. This blog was recorded.
Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain. Have you Silly Thinking lately?
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