STMagazine

Cover story: COLIN POWELL


EXCLUSIVE! Connie Chung one on one with Collin Powell!

Plus Easter dinner shortcuts.

Here’s Kelly Bright.


KB: Hi and welcome to STMagazine. Today our cover story is an STMagazine exclusive with Connie Chung in our ST New York World New Headquarters in New York.

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Connie Chung's Exclusive!!!

CC: Hello, everyone. Today I’m speaking to Secretary of State Collin Powell. Good afternoon, Secretary Powell.


CP: Hi, Connie I just had a big lunch and a few drinks.


CC: Thank you, Secretary Powell. Mister Secretary, do you think Iraq is becoming George Bush’s Vietnam?


CP: Connie, I (burp) sorry, big lunch, officially no, but let’s be honest, of course it is.


CC: Secretary Powell, how do you see the ongoing 9/11 hearings?


CP: Doctor Rice was very professional, she obviously cares very deeply about this country, and she stretches the truth more than Joan Rivers stretches her face. Did I say that?


CC: And Richard Clarke’s testimony?


CP: He’s a total professional and a brilliant man who sees this situation in a different light than those of us who are still on the Titanic might see it.


CC: Could you clarify that ?


CP: Dick Clarke is able to see the real world while we in the White House look at everything through a distorted, disconnected, and self-delusional lens.


CC: How do you respond to your critics who say that you are no more than a White House servant?


CP: Guilty as charged, Connie. They caught me on that one. I wake up in a cold sweat, almost every night, knowing that I have made the worst career choice since Diane left “Cheers”.


CC: Is there a plan for a post Saddam Iraq, Secretary Powell?


CP: A plan? Of course there is. Let's see... first we'll knock down more statues, and just hope nobody notices the growing resistance movement taking hold in Iraq. We'll work to get the media to gnore the fact that the Sunni and Shiites are united for the first time, united by their hatred of our occupation. And there will be a lot of bombings and death, of couse, with maybe a couple hundred more US soldiers coming home in boxes, and a lot more Iraqis dead, and then we'll hand over the ring to some "transistional" government, hand over the reigns to any Iraqi stupid enough to take the job. And we'll do it by June 30th.


CC: Interesting, did you--


CP: Wait. I'm not through. You see, we'll withdraw just enough of our forces to take the pressure off domestically, but keep enough in place to protect the rights of US industries... hmmm...and then maybe the transistional leader will be assassinated by the Shiites, or we might have to kill him ourselves. In any case, we'll bomb some more Iraqi townspeople in August and September, and there will be peace accords, and cease fires and more bombings, and so on and so forth. And no matter who wins the election in November you'll just watch as the country is taken over by one puppet regime after another, finally falling to the extremist Shiite or Sunnis, who will use chemical weapons on their own people. We'll support the gassing, of course, but then, at long last, we will end up invading again, only this time the Coalition of the Willing will be the US and the native people of Brando Island.


CC: Is that it?


CP: That's it.


CC: Interesting. Thank you Secretary Powell for your candor and have a Happy Easter.


CP (Burp) Pardon me. Thank you, Diane.


CC: Sunny, back to you.

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KB: That’s Kelly, Connie. Now here’s STChef Eric LaSpooner with some Easter dinner shortcuts. Chef?


EL: Thank you Kelly and welcome to the STKitchen. Having family over for Easter and don’t have time to cook a huge meal?
Microwave a pre- cooked ham and open some canned vegetables.
Kelly…


KB: Thank you Chef, sounds delicious! For all of us here at STMagazine have a safe and sane Easter. See you next week.

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ST IS!