Silly Thinking

Hello, I'm Governor Jeb Bush. I wanted to speak to all Americans, but especially to the people of Florida, about the misconceptions many people have about the fine State of Florida. Yes, the liberal media has been working hard to create the wrong impression in the minds of law abiding and splendidly ignorant people. You've probably read articles in newspapers or seen reports on television about a Florida supposedly rife with scandal and corruption, scary stories about how voter rolls have been purged, black voters have been intimidated, and 58,000 absentee ballots have gone missing in Broward county. Hell, if that doesn't scare you just think about the new electronic voting machines. They're so easy to tamper with it feels just like playing Pong.

Anyhow, stories like these, when they get out, give a lot of otherwise fine folks the impression that some sort of conspiracy theory is going on.

But let me tell you something. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, in order to dispel these rumors I've decided to implement a new, fully functional, and entirely fool proof voting machine in order to make sure that every vote that should be counted gets counted.

What is this new voting machine?



That's right. It's a telephone. I've decided to make my office telephone number available to the everyday voting people of Florida. Here's how this new technology will work. Just pick up your phone, or you neighbor's phone, and call my office number. Then tell me your name and how you want to vote. I'll write down each vote in this notepad.



At the end of the day I'll add up all the votes so everyone will know right away who won. And, if either candidate isn't happy with the results I'll be happy to show them my notepad or even count the votes again.

Anyhow, sit back America, and don't fret. With a little hard work and the latest technology we can have the most effective election ever.

Thank you. God Bless. And God Bless America!