Silly Thinking
*with Jim Farris*
2011913 Curiosities served
STNews Special: 2004 in Review
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From all of us at ST, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is an
STNews Special!
STNews 2004 In Review.
Here,
from our New York News World News Headquarters in New Jersey, is chief meteorologist and senior fellow at The Fellows and Gals University School of Fake Journalism, Howard Be… Uhh, sorry, Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening and welcome to this ST News Special, ST News 2004 In Review. I’m Connie Chung.
Looking back on a whole year of news here at ST wasn’t easy. So many stories and so much fine reporting. It was hard to pick the best, the most memorable of 2004.
But we did it anyway.
Back in January a wood like senator from Massachusetts came from nowhere and won a decisive victory in a very early primary. The stage was set to steal the Democratic ticket away from front runner, and crazy man, Doctor Howard Dean, and give it to insincere dullard John Kerry.
Here’s how we reported right here on ST.
(January 27th, 2004)
This is Breaking News from "Silly Thinking"
KERRY VICTORY.
Here from our election headquarters in New Hampshire is Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening again. Now with over 50% of the votes counted Silly Thinking has projected James Bond the winner in New Hampshire with 39% with Doctor No in second place with 25%.
Goldfinger is third with 13%.
Moonraker is fourth
Pussy Galore is fifth
and Mini Me is sixth with 2%.
James Bond will be speaking to his supporters after a a shaken not stirred martini.
Now let's turn to "M" for analysis.
M are you suprised by Dr. No's second place finish?
BP: Connie, it's Bill. Pullman.
CC: Do you think MiniMe will stay in the race?
BP: Connie, are you alright?
CC: What about Reverend Miss Goodbody? Do you think she'll push a button. Any button?
BP: Uhh? What the hell are you talking about?
CC: Are you afraid that President Doctor Evil will destroy the world from his volcano secret headquarters?
BP: Connie I don't... Yes I am afraid that President Doctor Evil will destroy the world.
CC: Will you send James Bond in to fight him?
BP: Yeah, sure.
CC: Interesting. Well onto Jamaica and North Pole for our next primary coverage. we'll be back if any dramatic shifts occur in the tightest race since Maury got his pants stuck in the door.
This is Connie Chung in New Hampshire. Good night for now.
This has been Silly Thinking Breaking News.
CC: Chung. Connie Chung.
CC: In October Mount Saint Helen’s looked like it was going to blow it’s stack and we devoted a lot of time and energy on the story that turned out to be nothing.
On one of our endless reports on the volcano I was talking to Jim Farris on the scene about the threat level….
(October 6th, 2004)
CC: But they lowered the alert.
JF: Yes. They still caution that it could happen at any time, but with less seismic activity it is just not imminent today. Scientists say things can still change, literally, by the minute.
CC: You know Jim, I’ve seen this before. Everybody thinks the giant rabbits or grasshoppers have been destroyed. Everyone relaxes, then suddenly from the other side of the hill, kaboom, they attack.
JF: Uhh
CC: That always happens.
JF:
CC: It does. It always happens, it is way to early for the very end of the event.
Are you in love with one of scientists who will risk his life to save mankind, while you have to wait in the car ?
JF: Uhh. Well. Yes. Yes I am.
CC: See? He will risk his life while you sit in the car, then you’ll go up to the equipment and some military man will say “Get her out of here!” . But you will sneak around and watch as they bring up an empty cage from the volcano.
JF: Connie ?
CC: No, you will be devastated and crying. Then a hand will shoot up on the crust, then another. It is the scientist crawling to be at your side!
(Stay with ST News. ST IS!) .
CC: Finally election night. President George Bush and his rich friends had “another victory” and the Democrats looked like a block of cheese being shot with a 20 gauge shot gun. ST was there.
(November 3rd, 2004)
CC: Hello again from STElection Headquarters.
In, what will probably be a story in this election, the major news networks have split on tonight’s, or this mornings, Electoral College count.
As of 4:49 am, estern time:
CBS and CNN have it 249 for Bush and 242 for Kerry.
NBC has the numbers at 269 to 211.
FOX has got it at 269, 242.
and ABC News has 249 to 225.
States like Iowa, Ohio, Arizona, Nevada, and Wisconsin have yet to be decided, but it looks like Kerry will loose the election, he lost the popular vote by 3 %
Bill Pullman, what do you make of this mess?
BP:
CC: Bill, Bill Pullman?
BP:
CC: Well… Jim Farris, out west, what do you think of tonight.
JF: I feel like committing suicide, Connie.
CC: Shazaam in Baghdad?
SS: All I have to do is walk into the street and I’m popped for Allah and pocket change.
CC: Well, goodnight. See you tomorrow.
ST IS!
CC: Well there you have it: the big stories of 2004. And we’ll be here in 2005 to cover the big stories of 2005, so next year we’ll do this about that.
Happy New Year.
ST IS 2005!
This is an
STNews Special!
STNews 2004 In Review.
Here,
from our New York News World News Headquarters in New Jersey, is chief meteorologist and senior fellow at The Fellows and Gals University School of Fake Journalism, Howard Be… Uhh, sorry, Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening and welcome to this ST News Special, ST News 2004 In Review. I’m Connie Chung.
Looking back on a whole year of news here at ST wasn’t easy. So many stories and so much fine reporting. It was hard to pick the best, the most memorable of 2004.
But we did it anyway.
Back in January a wood like senator from Massachusetts came from nowhere and won a decisive victory in a very early primary. The stage was set to steal the Democratic ticket away from front runner, and crazy man, Doctor Howard Dean, and give it to insincere dullard John Kerry.
Here’s how we reported right here on ST.
(January 27th, 2004)
This is Breaking News from "Silly Thinking"
KERRY VICTORY.
Here from our election headquarters in New Hampshire is Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening again. Now with over 50% of the votes counted Silly Thinking has projected James Bond the winner in New Hampshire with 39% with Doctor No in second place with 25%.
Goldfinger is third with 13%.
Moonraker is fourth
Pussy Galore is fifth
and Mini Me is sixth with 2%.
James Bond will be speaking to his supporters after a a shaken not stirred martini.
Now let's turn to "M" for analysis.
M are you suprised by Dr. No's second place finish?
BP: Connie, it's Bill. Pullman.
CC: Do you think MiniMe will stay in the race?
BP: Connie, are you alright?
CC: What about Reverend Miss Goodbody? Do you think she'll push a button. Any button?
BP: Uhh? What the hell are you talking about?
CC: Are you afraid that President Doctor Evil will destroy the world from his volcano secret headquarters?
BP: Connie I don't... Yes I am afraid that President Doctor Evil will destroy the world.
CC: Will you send James Bond in to fight him?
BP: Yeah, sure.
CC: Interesting. Well onto Jamaica and North Pole for our next primary coverage. we'll be back if any dramatic shifts occur in the tightest race since Maury got his pants stuck in the door.
This is Connie Chung in New Hampshire. Good night for now.
This has been Silly Thinking Breaking News.
CC: Chung. Connie Chung.
CC: In October Mount Saint Helen’s looked like it was going to blow it’s stack and we devoted a lot of time and energy on the story that turned out to be nothing.
On one of our endless reports on the volcano I was talking to Jim Farris on the scene about the threat level….
(October 6th, 2004)
CC: But they lowered the alert.
JF: Yes. They still caution that it could happen at any time, but with less seismic activity it is just not imminent today. Scientists say things can still change, literally, by the minute.
CC: You know Jim, I’ve seen this before. Everybody thinks the giant rabbits or grasshoppers have been destroyed. Everyone relaxes, then suddenly from the other side of the hill, kaboom, they attack.
JF: Uhh
CC: That always happens.
JF:
CC: It does. It always happens, it is way to early for the very end of the event.
Are you in love with one of scientists who will risk his life to save mankind, while you have to wait in the car ?
JF: Uhh. Well. Yes. Yes I am.
CC: See? He will risk his life while you sit in the car, then you’ll go up to the equipment and some military man will say “Get her out of here!” . But you will sneak around and watch as they bring up an empty cage from the volcano.
JF: Connie ?
CC: No, you will be devastated and crying. Then a hand will shoot up on the crust, then another. It is the scientist crawling to be at your side!
(Stay with ST News. ST IS!) .
CC: Finally election night. President George Bush and his rich friends had “another victory” and the Democrats looked like a block of cheese being shot with a 20 gauge shot gun. ST was there.
(November 3rd, 2004)
CC: Hello again from STElection Headquarters.
In, what will probably be a story in this election, the major news networks have split on tonight’s, or this mornings, Electoral College count.
As of 4:49 am, estern time:
CBS and CNN have it 249 for Bush and 242 for Kerry.
NBC has the numbers at 269 to 211.
FOX has got it at 269, 242.
and ABC News has 249 to 225.
States like Iowa, Ohio, Arizona, Nevada, and Wisconsin have yet to be decided, but it looks like Kerry will loose the election, he lost the popular vote by 3 %
Bill Pullman, what do you make of this mess?
BP:
CC: Bill, Bill Pullman?
BP:
CC: Well… Jim Farris, out west, what do you think of tonight.
JF: I feel like committing suicide, Connie.
CC: Shazaam in Baghdad?
SS: All I have to do is walk into the street and I’m popped for Allah and pocket change.
CC: Well, goodnight. See you tomorrow.
ST IS!
CC: Well there you have it: the big stories of 2004. And we’ll be here in 2005 to cover the big stories of 2005, so next year we’ll do this about that.
Happy New Year.
ST IS 2005!
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