Silly Thinking

(Originally posted February 15th, 2004)


And now it's time for our Internet award winning feature A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities!

Here is your host: Dead Announcer!


DA: Hello again and welcome to "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities"!
Today we have an icon of western films. A man who...


Douglas Lain: Excuse me.


DA: Douglas Lain! Look everyone it's "Silly Thinking's" own Douglas Lain.


DL: Hello everyone. I'm sorry to interupt but Jim?
Jim are you in the booth?


Jim Farris: Yeah. What's the problem Doug?


DL: Jim could you come down here we have a problem.


JF: Yeah.


DL: Sorry ladies and gentlemen.


JF: Douglas what's the deal?


DL: Well Jim, there's a technical problem...


JF: Douglas, can't we deal with it later. Were on the air now and just about to visit with Randolph Scott and...


DL: Jim, this won't wait.. because...IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!


JF: What?


DA: Jim Farris! It's time for a Silly Thinking special: JIM FARRIS' SUPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!
And here's your host Douglas Lain!


DL: Yes hello again everyone. Jim we knew if we did'nt make this a suprise you wouldn't have come.The entire production team on "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities" have just been pretending to do a regular show while all the time they have been working at night to put this birthday special together. So just pull up a chair and have a seat!


JF: Are you kidding? Oh my gosh what a suprise!


DL: Yes Jim. Happy 65th birthday!


JF:...


DL: All of us here at Silly Thinking were thrilled about your birthday and wanted to suprise you. Are you suprised?


JF I'm suprised.


DL: Well, we thought you would be. Here's the Chief Executive Officer and President of Silly Thinking Alfonese De Motto De Kunick on tape.


ADD: Hello Jim and Doug and Happy Birthday Jim Farris. I'm sorry I can't be there in person but we had a management retreat in Switzerland so hello from the Alps and Happy Birthday.


DL: Thank you Alfonse.


JF: That was so nice...


DL: Live via sattelite From his bed side in The Fajita Straights here is the wife of "Celebritynet" host Sy Gold... Susan Gold.


SusanG: Hi! I know that Sy would want me to wish you a happy birthday and even though we've never met, I feel like I know you so, Happy Birthday....


SyG:...UUUUUOOOOHHH! Hello kiddies. I'm getting better! I'm still here kiddies and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOUGLY WOUGGLY. Stay off the stuff you rascal. UUUHHOOHHHH.


DL: WOW!


JF: yeah Wow!


DL: Here (on tape) from the set of his show in Hollywood: Marlon Brando!


MB: Yeah, hi everyone. Happy Birthday, Farris. You know birthdays come and go but your always here in our hearts. Leonard Peltier is here and want's to wish you a happy something.


LP: Yes! Happy Birthday Jim and many more. Yes!


DL: Marlon and Leonard wanted to be here today but weather problems would not allow.


JF: Oh. Well...


DL: Jim, my kids taped a special birthday greeting...


Ben Lain: HelloandhappybirthdayummmJimandIgottago.


Emma Lain: I'm a magic cat.


Simon Lain: WAAAAAAA! WHAAAAA! WHHAAAAAAAAA!


DL: Those kids of mine!


JF Cute.


DL: And now Jim... SCOTT BAIO!!!!


SB: Hi everybody, and happy birthday Jim.


JF: Hi, Scott.


SB: Jim Farris it's your birthday and we wrote a little birthday song I'd like to do for you right now.

'It's your birthday!
It's your birthday right now!
It's your birthday. For crying out loud!
It's your birthday!
Birds got a fly we gotta love one man til we die.
Can't help lovin that Jim Farris man of ours!'



SB: Thank you everyone.


JF: Oh Scott, that was really something. It sounded like the Silly Awards song with a song from "Showboat" at the end but that's was a great suprise.


DL: Well Jim, that's just about it but we do have another suprise guest who taped a greeting for you. A fellow Aquarian! Former President of the United States and a great friend of yours...


JF:...


DL: Ronald Reagan!!


RR: Hello! And Happy Birthday, Mommy. You know this is one of those telescope days. You know how if you look threw a telescope the wrong way everything looks smaller and distorted. Well... thats what today is...
so... To all of us from all... of us... we wish you... a...we start bombing in ten minutes.


DL: Ha ha. The Gipper still's got it. Thank you Mister President.


GWB: Did someone say President?


DL: Look Jim it's the President! George w. Bush!


GWB: Hi, birthday boy and hi everybody else. I just wanted to come on here and wish you the happiest day. Even in a time of peril for this great country. A time of great fear and terror where unkown shadowy figures can attack this greatest country and put us in harm's way I wanted to hope that you has the great Birthday.
So God bless me and this great terror loving free United States of the Deficit. And remember to vote for me in Novemeber like your life depended on it. Because in a scary place with terrible people in it I am the only one who never listened to anyone with Jane Fonda and can protect us and this great country.
Amen.


DL:Thank you! Well Jim there's your birthday. Were you suprised?


JF: Yeah, I was. I really was. Thanks.


DL: Happy Birthday and goodnight!

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Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking With Douglas Lain.
Can you believe they let Bush do that? What a bunch of whores.