Silly Thinking

STNews presents





A Special Report.


The Legacy of Deep Throat and Watergate


Here, from the National Mall in Washington D.C. is Chief ST News Anchor and Senior meteorologist, Connie Chung.



CC: Good morning. Yesterday the longest, best kept, mystery in the history of the United States was solved when Mark Felt, a retired ninety year old FBI official admitted he was Deep Throat in the Watergate affair.
Watergate, the bungled robbery that ended with the resignation and disgrace of a president who had just been re-elected with an over whelming vote of support from the public, Richard Nixon.
Today, the man who was the Vice President of the United States at the time, the man who was to become to the President, Gerald Ford, and the Democratic 1972 nominee who ran against Richard Nixon, George McGovern join me now.
Good afternoon gentlemen.


GF: Good evening Barbara.


GM: Hi Barbara.



CC: Mister Vice President Ford. What did you know, and when did you know it?


GF: About Watergate or…



CC: About Watergate.


GF: I knew nothing, NOTHING. I was brought in as Vice President when the other guy was charged with tax abrasion.



CC: Spiro Agnew.


GF: No. Tax abrasion.



CC: Mister Senator McGovern. You were the victim in all this weren’t you?


GM: Good evening again Barbara. Yes, the break in was to steal secrets about my campaign.



CC: So knowing as you do, that Nixon won with a huge majority and that he cheated, do you think you would have won if he had run a straight campaign?


GF: Ha ha ha ha ha. Nancy that’s ridickle dockle. I was appointed President by Zeus.



CC: Mister former President Ford I was addressing the senator.


GF: I was that too. I was every God Damn thing.


GM: I’ll answer your question Nancy. No. I could not have won even if Nixon would have been replaced by Barry Goldwater Nancy. It was impossible. I was the impossible candidate.



CC: So…


GM: No matter what. Impossible.



CC: Did either of you meet “Deep Throat”, who we now know was Mark Felt.


GM: No Barbara.


GF: No.



CC: So we are doing a special report about this man, and even though both of you were there and involved in this mess, neither of you….


GF: …know anything about it. That’s right Barbara. We don’t know anything.



CC: So you are the best we could do….


GM:… on short notice. That’s right Nancy, the best you could throw together on short notice.



CC: Yeah. I was all set to interview Burt Reynolds when this came up out of fucking no where.


GF: Fuck fuck fucking no where.


GM: Fucking nowhere. That’s right Barbara. Fucking no where.



CC: If either one of you two dim bulbs call me Barbara or Nancy one more time I’m going to slam your heads into the table.


GF: Fuck fuck fucking slam our heads into the table.


GM: Fuck fuck. That’s right.



CC: Watergate. The mystery is solved. Goodnight for ST News.

ST NEWS IS FUCK FUCK!!!!!