Several days ago I recieved a new book about essential philosphers - really just a simple overview and introduction to them all. But it was quite a happy refresher for me and so I shared several of the entries with the best audience I have - my daughter. As the book had portraits of everyone, that entertained her visually and my reading was quite the auditory delight, I'll tell you. She even commented in all the right places.

Yeah, she's doomed. But that's not my point.

Yesterday, I had a pub in who happened to be representing a new book by one of my favorite, um, theorists/critics. And I went gaga enough that he and I ended up chatting for quite some time.

And I got home and realized that I am sorely missing that stimulation in my life. I miss school. I miss arguments. I even, in some small weird way, miss writing papers. I miss getting so involved in book/paper/idea that I literally throw the piece across the room.

I just don't have any outlet anymore. Sure, I've got the books and access to more but I don't have the *human* interaction part. There are only a few people in my life who are even remotely interested in some of these things and no one who seems to want these conversations/interactions as much as I do. Or, if they do, they never seem to come up.

Ugh.

I do have a friend who, when last we spoke, pushed me pretty hard about going back to school. At the time, I felt myself getting really pissed off about it as I listed the numerous excuses why that couldn't possibly happen. But I think the reason I got so upset is because it's still something I very very much want. I just don't have any way of making it happen now.