Dear Body,

First of all, I would like to begin by commending you on the progress you've made since your last review. Dropping 23.6 pounds through exercise and eating healthier food seems to have had generally a good effect, and I have noticed a sharp decrease in the severity, frequency and duration of sick time. Also, the knees and ankles want to say thanks for lightening the load.

However, as my next vacation fast approaches, I have noticed a distressing return to old habits. The ear infection last week, while mild, was annoying, and you didn't seem to respond to the antibiotic ear drops as thoroughly as I would've liked. The ache is coming back, most likely requiring a return to the doctor's office (providing we can get an appointment before we leave on Saturday). Also, the sore throat? Not funny. But worst off all is the neck and back pain. Management would like you to explain how the simple act of reaching for something on the nightstand in the middle of the night caused such a severe pull in the upper back. The resulting stiff neck and excruciating neck pain has not dwindled sufficiently, and the recent development of a large, painfully tender area covering the entire upper back is worrisome in light of the 9 hour travel day coming up on Saturday. Combine that with the aforementioned returning ear infection, and it will be a most miserable flight indeed.

I understand that the month of July, while fun, has been unusually busy and stressful. Were we able to schedule more down time, perhaps your performance would be better. However, your reward approaches. Please take this as an opportunity to straighten up, get healthy and happy so we can all -- you included -- enjoy the upcoming week on the beach. I need not remind you that the previous week vacation this year you *also* sabotaged by coming down with a horrible flu. Please don't do that again. Please let us relax and enjoy ourselves without the forced bedrest this time, ok?

Pretty please?

Thank you,
The management