Down with heteronomitivity!

Gender roles rant

I think it's pretty clear that, even though I'm a femmey woman, I'm not really into rigid gender roles. We've come a long way, even in my lifetime, towards allowing women to have jobs outside the home even beyond those of teacher, secretary, librarian, maid, stewardess, etc. But I'd like to see us do even more, for it to not be quite so damn hard if a woman wants to do a traditionally male job such as dock worker, lawyer or CEO. And I'd love it if, when taking on jobs where an assertive personality is required, we'd stop calling those women names or making fun of them for being strong. I'm also sick of hearing about individual cases of a woman being sexually harrassed, or held back because she's female, and being told, "Well, she could sue/ do something about it if she wanted to ruin her entire career." We're obviously not far enough along if those are our choices.

(Forgive me, this journal entry goes all over the damn place. I don't have time to gather my thoughts on this wide a topic quite as elegantly as I'd like.)

Sex and Sexuality rant

With my day job being in the sex industry, I spend a lot of time thinking, reading, writing and being sick of, sex and sexuality. Still, that doesn't mean I don't think these are valuable things to talk about, and I really do wish everyone was more exposed to some of the ideas I come across on a daily basis. Most people don't have a place where they can even discuss their sexuality openly. (I think that's one of the reasons our Blowfish podcast is so popular, actually. We're used to talking openly and freely about sex, and it's interesting to listen to if you don't live in a place where that happens often.)

My own sexuality is pretty fluid, but I'd say I am a 2 on the Kinsey Scale. In San Francisco, this is dreadfully boring, and I honestly find myself having what I term "lesbian envy". I sometimes feel very white, hetero, married and normal. And boring.

But! This is a nice change, ultimately, from Indiana, where I was pretty freaky. (I was once harrassed by frat boys driving by in a pickup. The reason? I was wearing brightly colored clothing and was presumed to be a hippie. It wasn't even tie-dye! Lord.)

But, despite living out here for almost 9 years, there are still some things I'd like to learn more about. For example, I no longer am freaked out by FTM people (in fact, I've been known to get all gushy over a well-dressed Drag King), but I still feel like I could know more about transgendered folks. Partly, I think I'm afraid to ask too many questions, as I always want to be respectful of a person's privacy. But I could do more to educate myself.

There are a few things that I'll never like, nor want to learn more about. For example, Blood Play is something that I'm ok hearing about in moderation, but you'll never find me trying it out. Scat play is something I am even more squicked about, and I'd rather not even read, talk, think about it (and definitely don't want to look at it). There's other stuff that squicks me so much I won't even mention it here. Those things are a challenge for me to even be open minded about, and I have to approach them by saying, "It's fine if you're into it, but please please please don't talk about it in front of me." And, to be honest, I do kinda feel bad for having to say that, but I really can't stand it.

It's hard, when dealing with these topics, to even remember that homosexuality is a big deal for some people. Gay, lesbian, bi, transgender -- these all seem like really mild variations of sexuality in my world. I'm really lucky to live in a place where I can feel this way about it, and I wish the rest of the country was more open-minded about it.