I had a weird dream last night. Of course I did. I wouldn’t bother to tell you about a perfectly ordinary dream (I opened up a can of beans and put them in a bowl. I microwaved them on high for a minute.) because that would be a waste of perfectly good … what? Space on your monitor? Bandwidth? Time? Bah! Abstractions, all! Anyway, if you’re still reading, I’ll see if I can describe last night’s dream for you:

I am sleeping in a dorm at a school for people with supernatural powers. Like Hogwarts, maybe, but less charming and more like a hospital. I have a dream that reveals to me the secrets of what the bad guys are up to. The dream-within-a-dream involved my bed swinging around as the wall turned (you know – the classic secret passage behind a book case thing, only this time it was the wall behind my bed. It was a bunk bed. I was in the top bunk) and then I was in a secret room where lots of old timey toys (there were a lot of old school little people) moved around and silently acted out the story of what the bad guys were doing. The dream-within-a-dream scared the bejeebers out of the dream me, so the dream me woke up and went to the rec room where all the girls at the school were gathering because they had all had the same dream. The only other adults there were The Man (evidently he and I were both teachers at the school) and another teacher who looked a little like what’s-his-name from TV who killed his wife, but couldn’t possibly have because he had gone inside to get his gun at the time his wife was being shot, but also a little like Columbo. I thought it was strange that only the girls at the school had the dream, with the apparent exception of these two men, but we started talking amongst ourselves and plotting ways to thwart the bad guys’ evil scheme. (Please don’t ask me what it was, because I really don’t remember. The real me was even puzzled at the time as to how the dream me understood what the dream-within-a-dream meant, because it really didn’t make any sense) The Columbo/what’s-his-name guy decided that what we should really do in order to bolster our team spirit is start singing. He waved his arms around in mock-conductor fashion and we all started singing Chirstmas carols. The Man, being the strongest singer, quickly became the leader and we all started following him. But he started changing rapidly from song to song and at first I thought he was doing a really cool descant thing because he had figured out that the song we had been singing and the new song went together, and I was really impressed with him. But some of the kids, not being musicians, were confused and started singing the new song. At least that’s what I thought was happening, but as soon as he got a majority of the kids singing the new song, he would start another. I was getting annoyed because I wanted to harmonize with him but he started cycling through songs faster and faster and I was starting to think something must be wrong. All the while I was trying to get things back under control and get everyone singing the same song and make them get interested in saving the world again. But I knew for sure something was wrong when The Man started singing Uptown Girl. Over and over and over again. I tried to keep things going with the plotting and scheming but nobody would listen to me. They just wanted to sing Uptown Girl. I was about to cry when I noticed Columbo/what’s-his-name sneaking out of the room. It was then that I realized that he was really working for the bad guys and had put a spell on us to keep us from coming up with a plan to save the world. I tried to go after him, but he winked at me and disappeared. After he disappeared, the spell was broken and I tried to tell everyone what had happened, but they didn’t believe me and were trying to get reorganized and come up with a plan. But by then it was too late: news reports were starting to come in that society as we know it had collapsed. While we were busy singing Uptown Girl, the bad guys had used their supernatural powers to somehow make it so that money no longer had any value and life had descended into a chaos of warring factions. We realized that the only thing to do was go down into the basement, gather up our most precious belongings and whatever essentials we could find, and hit the road. I remember debating with myself for several minutes whether I should take with me a model of a Native American canoe that I had hanging from the ceiling, but then I remembered that money had no value anymore, so even though it was really a valuable item, I would not be able to sell it and since it had no practical use, I wouldn’t be able to barter with it either. I had to leave my precious model canoe behind. A group of us set off together in search of better lives just as a group of screaming guys ran in with knives and tried to take over the building. The last thing I remember seeing is one of the screaming, knife-wielding men grabbing my model canoe and cackling.

So what the heck, dudes?

Care to venture a guess as to what my subconscious was trying to tell me?


Reading:
Technically I'm reading Harry Potter. I haven't had time to read for the last couple of days, though.

Hearing:
Quiet. But the kind of quiet that sounds like spring.

Needing:
A potty break.

In My Car CD Player:
A mix CD. I didn't make it and I don't really like it. It's a little too hippety-hoppity for my taste. But I am nice sometimes and let other people choose the driving music.