A blank page is an intimidating obstacle.

I know there are thoughts I wanted to write down, but when faced with the blank whiteness of my computer screen, I just can’t seem to do it. I can’t bring myself to sully the perfect emptiness of the page with my imperfect use of the English language.

Yet here I am, having typed all of the above, and nothing bad has happened yet, so I will keep going.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I am thinking and feeling a lot of things all at once lately. Most of them involving varying degrees of exhaustion and overwhelmedness. But also in the mix is feeling more loving toward my husband (don’t question it, honey – just go with it) and appreciative of friendships and my relationships with my children. I feel sort of cut off from my ability to express it, because of the exhaustion, etc., but it’s there all the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that the holidays and the big office move are over I have renewed my war with the fat roll that keeps me from doing an adequate halasana. I am not sure that what I am doing is really working, but something must be happening because (at the risk of sharing too much) I got my period today with absolutely no warning of any kind. No headache. No irritation. No all-out hatred for my spouse. No cravings. Nothing. So, since I don’t own a scale I will use this piece of feedback from my body to tell myself that, whatever pants size I wear and whether or not I am embarrassed to put on my bathing suit, eating more fruit and veggies and cutting out the crap (for the most part – I mean, weekends happen, and sometimes there are brownies involved) is good for me. Getting to a smaller pants size will be an extremely welcome bonus, but for right now the total lack of menstrual symptoms* is making me very happy.

*knocks furiously on wood

But this is not, nor will it ever be, a diet blog. (Nor will it ever be a mommy blog. Hell, it’s not even a blog.) So I will move on…

~~~~~~~~~~~

Last weekend my good pal A declared a girl’s night with a select small group of women that I am privileged to call friends. We all brought something to eat, wine was consumed and although (much to the dismay of our husbands and my other male readers, I am sure) there was no lingerie-clad pillow fight**, I did eventually bust out my ducky PJs. I didn’t know how much I needed to sit and talk to good friends around whom I am completely comfortable, until I got there. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, nobody had any demands or expectations; we just sat around being ourselves for a few welcome hours. In the morning, over a breakfast of warm muffins and coffee, I was able to spend a little time reconnecting with friends who have recently moved back to the area (and who were kind enough to kick their son out of his bed so I didn’t have to drive home the night before), and when I went home to The Man and The Baby, I was truly happy to see them. I felt like myself again (after a long absence of self-ness). Once again, A knew what I needed before I did. Which is one of the many reasons why I still keep her around. Perhaps the other reasons will become another entry. It seems only fair, since I did an “All KBL, all the time” entry last time around.

** Speaking of which, here’s a little gem from Dimitri Martin’s recent special. It makes be unbelievably happy every time I think of it:

PILLOW FIGHTS

Man vs. Woman FUN
Man vs. Man GAY
Woman vs. Woman AWESOME
Man vs. Pillow CRAZY
Pillow vs. Pillow CRAZY AWESOME

~~~~~~~~~~~

I think The Baby called her daddy this morning to tell on me. She likes to talk to him on the phone in the morning because he leaves for work before she gets up. Sometimes she doesn’t say much at all, sometimes she tells him what she wants to do when we all get home later (Daddy. Hold. Me. Go. Home. Watch. Shirley Temple.), sometimes she twists the knife with an “I miss Daddy SO MUCH”. Today it was, “Mommy. Put. Boots. On. I SLEEPING.”

In other words, “Mean old mommy made put my boots on, when all I want to do is sleep some more.”

I think she thought I was going to get a time out. I didn't. I suppose I might get a spanking later, but that would be a whole other thing.


Reading:
Lolita - Nabokov

Hearing:
Hopes and Fears - Keane

Playing:
At being an office manager. Also Tsaikovsky variations on Mozart.

Needing:
Someone to hold my head up for me, because my neck muscles are done doing it for today. I wonder if John Cusak is available on short notice.

In My Car CD Player:
The Full Cupboard of Life - Alexander McCall Smith