It's been a long week and I've barely left the house. I just haven't felt like doing anything. I've had the blahs.

So tonight I decided to go to the store to get ice cream. I'm kinda-sorta an ice cream snob - Häagen-Dazs all the way, baby. So when I got to the store, I discovered the owners had rearranged the merchandising a bit. The word *merchandising* is glamorizing the reality. The word *merchandising* here denigrates the skill that artful promotion really is. Reality: A few shelves had been pried from blackened waxy build-up and shoved to another area in the store, leaving said blackened waxy build-up revealed on cracked linoleum tiles older than me. Bleh. When I finally located the *high end* ice cream cooler, I eagerly eyeballed its contents in search of some favorites: Cookie Dough or Chocolate Peanut Butter. I s-w-e-a-r to GOD, there was only Pineapple Coconut and Rum Raisin. Excuse my German, but WTF. Who the hell eats that crap!

So I moseyed over to the ordinary, less discerning cooler with house brands and ice creams whipped so light with air that air's all a person tastes. I paced back and forth and back and forth over the worn path in the tiles, obviously gouged by other disgruntled Häagen-Dazs aficionados, frantically searching for a familiar flavor.

You are not, I swear you are not going to believe what I came home with. It's a Breyers brand called *Overload Fried Ice Cream*. Now I know I REALLY live in the South – for Christ’s sake, the ice cream's even fried. (I'm taking liberties here. I really do know the origins of fried ice cream... San Diego, right?) Anyway, it has fake caramel and fake cinnamon and fake honey - that's what they mean by artificial, isn't it? Anyway, I love it! All the fake and all the air are divine, which will help my budget enormously during these tight times.

Anyway, here I am embarking on my ice cream mission. I'm smiling because I hadn't gotten to the store yet.