I wasn't going to write this morning. I have a full agenda, but it can wait because I'm going to implode or explode or vaporize with a volatile recipe of despair and gratitude that has invaded my head, taken my heart hostage, terrorized my thoughts. I shudder at the incendiary words I've chosen to describe my mood, but the world beyond my bubble is incendiary, taken hostage, and terrorized.


*****


I don't have cable TV. I'm not elitist about TV. I stream America's Next Top Model, for goodness sake.

Because I don't have Cable, I don't *watch* the news. My news updates come from banner headlines on the internet - a compilation of all news sources. I scroll through to get the flavor of any given day. Lately, our days have tasted ugly.


*****


Last night I came home from an insanely full day at Vanderbilt. I was so tired, but decided to stop at WalMart before driving up my mountain. (Usually when in Nashville I stop at Harris Teeter, but wanted to get out of the city before rush hour.)

I asked for help with my groceries. The WalMart Customer Service person who assisted was at least 5 years older than me - unless she hasn't aged well, which happens when one is dealt a hardscrabble life. She was a delight. A puff of positive. She renewed my spirit, energized me, inspired.


*****


I was too tired to type last night. I was going to pluck out another blah-blah-blah post about my brave and noble grasp on life - how much I do all alone - and how I do it with grace and positivity.

NOT.
GAH.


*****


So this is the dealio. The first headline I read today flashed the news of an Air Algerie plane crash with 116 people aboard... on the heels of the Malaysian plane taken out of the sky with over 200 lives lost. News continues about the hundreds and hundreds of children on our borders looking for a better life. Gaza is a disaster - a boil that's lanced over and over again, with an infection that oozes with little hope of ever healing. An Arizona prisoner was a headline today because it took 2 hours to kill him. (Any editorial here would be so inappropriate, but it does boggle the mind that while rampant murdering insanity courses around the globe, it took 2 hours to kill a prisoner?) The Concordia is seaworthy again - well, it's being dragged out of the small port where it met disaster... one passenger still missing. There was a spot of good news with a Sudanese woman being allowed to fly to Italy for refuge from flogging and hanging. Her crime? She married a Christian.

It was then that my eyes landed on news from Iraq: Genital mutilation ordered by militants for 4 million women.

Seriously? My heart just about pounded right out of my chest. Genital mutilation for 4 million women? I feel so helpless when I read horrifying headlines like this.


*****


This was the news for just this morning. One day in the life of the world.


*****


So, I hit the reset button on my own life.

I should never ever feel blue about my privileged life that somehow or another occasionally becomes invisible to me. I don't want to forget my blessings, the abundance of goodness, the gentleness of my days, the freedoms of my country. I shouldn't have to have others' tragedy remind me of my incredibly wonderful life.

I have to remember:

1. If I feel sad about losing my mother, I have to remember that I held her hand as she took her last breath. So many people around the world are robbed of this dignity.

2. If I feel cheated because of a serious illness, I have to remember that I have the finest medical care in the world.

3. If I feel weary when I drive to Nashville, I have to remember that it's only 1 1/2 hours - that with checkpoints and searches it could take many, many hours.

4. When I complain about the quality of groceries at the local Piggly Wiggly, I have to remind myself that there are people waiting for food to be airlifted to them - desperate for any sustenance. A grain of rice. A drop of water.

5. I have to remember that when loneliness creeps into my life, that it's a figment of my imagination - I'm blessed with lots and lots of friends - and I greatly value my solitude and serenity - and can't imagine my life differently.

This list could go on forever. If we all were honest, we're a petty lot that has been spoiled with privilege that becomes invisible until we see or read about others' realities.

Importantly, for the most part, I live without fear. Look at any global headline - we are so fortunate.

We live without fear. We forget.