I would like to think everyone experiences one great love. I know I did. My son, David, is perhaps the only one who will be able to identify the person I'm going to write about.

My one great love happened approximately 20 years ago. He was handsome and brilliant and interesting and generous and a person with impeccable integrity. He liked me too. I could tell the moment we met that we were going to click... get along famously.

It all came true. I adored him. We spent many many hours together in a small office. I worked for him. Yet, when we pushed our chairs back from our desks, the playing field was level. We talked for hours and hours and hours... and then some more. I often wondered if he could hear my heart jumping all over the place. I was crazy about this man. He was my one and only great love.

We haven't communicated for many years. Not for any bad reasons. Life is fluid. Life is about transitions. It just is.

*****

I heard from him the other day. It was such a delightful surprise. I was tickled despite the fact I feel all weepy at this very moment.

I responded with an email and then received this today. I've changed his daughter's name though I hated to because it's so beautiful:


Reenie:

When Indigo was 7, we were talking about life & she asked me what animal I would like to be if I had a choice, and I said a Hawk. She was OK with that, and then I asked her what animal she would most like to be if she had a choice, and she said a Killer Whale. I asked her why and she said, "Then no one could hurt me." Well, the conversation went in many directions after that, as you might imagine. We ultimately ended up discussing death and her thoughts about that. Precocious at 7...

She asked me if I remembered the date she was born. I said, "Sure, December 13, 1989." She said, "You're Right, Dad." I didn't know where she was going with that, and then she said the most profound thing.

"Dad, I don't remember December 12, 1989, because I wasn't born yet, and I don't miss the days or years before I was born, just like I won't miss the days or years after I die. I just don't want getting from here to there to hurt."

That was it Reenie, and this thought has stuck with me from that day forward. I don't want it to hurt for anyone, so if you die in your sleep that would be a blessing.

Unfortunately, Life's Rule is that we must all go sometime. What a bitch, knowing that one thing all our lives, and knowing that there's no way around it.

I may be gone before you go... almost 68 & getting to be that age. So whatever happens Reenie, just know that I love you.


I don't talk about this man often. I've kept him to myself and all the goodness. He was everything I ever wanted in a partner, yet I knew I wasn't right for him. I just always knew that if we crossed that line, it would be a mistake - a bell we couldn't unring.

I think it's pretty safe to assume we both thought about romance. I sure did. But it never happened. What we had was more precious.

*****

I love you too, Tim. Always and always.