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incrediblebittersweet
or, the history of me, part one

2002-10-28 10:38 AM
c&i

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i'm procrastinating at work and looking back through some old email. there's a running dialouge between me and my friend c in philly that's really quite funny. i'll post a few of my emails (in no particular order) over the next few days.

c,
so here i am, running a zoo...
awake at 9:15 to blaring alarm clock. fight with 165 lb. dog (that i'm puppysitting) to get to that side of the bed to hit snooze. yell at smaller dog (who lives with me) to stop jumping on head. give up. get up. stop big dog and little dog from chasing cat down the stairs. find pants. let little out. find shoes. find leash. chase big dog around trying to attach leash. take big dog out. in pouring rain. encourage peeing. discourage playing. (and little dog's circus tricks to win my attention.) put little dog inside. try to keep big dog, on leash, outside at the same time. get hit in face with screen door. curse. get soaked waiting for big dog to pee. try to ignore medium size dog (that i'm supposed to be watching) barking from next door. put big dog in my house, leave leash on. let medium-size dog out. go back in my house. start fight trying to give food to little dog and not big dog. take big dog out to put him in car. take him back in to find keys. meanwhile, medium-size dog comes in my house and starts fight with little dog trying to eat food. pick up food bowl. fill water bowl. take keys and big wet dog out to car. put big wet dog in car. close neighbor's door. get medium-size dog. feed cat. close my door. put medium-size wet dog in car. pull out of driveway. curse. turn around in neighbor's driveway and go back to put down small dog's food. drive to work. (windshield wiper flys from car) pull in parking lot beside strange car. let medium-size dog out. take big dog out. close car door. open car door to get keys to open shop. take big dog past customers cowering on porch afraid of him. lock big dog in sunroom. ignore ringing phone. let in customers. close door. answer customer's stupid questions. let in medium-size dog who is scratching at door. disallow petting of medium-size, less intimidating, yet far more likely to bite your ear off, dog. lock both dogs in office. answer phone. remove wet, obese cats from counter. sell one bottle of raspberry wine. trip over cat who is trying to get me to feed him. curse. ignore cat, go into kitchen. big dog's food in his bowl, medium-size dog's food in his bowl. two seperate water bowls full. unleash hounds. go upstairs, fill cat bowl, scoop cat box, fill water bowl. back downstairs. let out medium-size dog who has finished and is growling at big dog to share his. wait for big dog to finish. take him out. still raining. encourage poo. take him in. detach leash. let in medium-size dog.. lock them both in office. let cats out. answer phone. go upstairs. curse. go back downstairs and get unbelievably slimy force feeding antibiotics to big dog. let cats back in....
turn on computer and write to sane person.
--i

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