I have many joys in life, but really, eating out is not one of them. Oh sure, I'll occasionally accompany co-workers on their noonday quest for a fast, cheap, delicious place to eat, but it's always, for me, more for the company than the food.

And it seems that whenever I have company or a request to bring a dish, I'll find a reasonable, acceptable restaurant to visit or an Eatzi's type place to buy the "homemade" dish. But that's usually more for others than it is for me, too, as I'd just as soon have a few slices of cheese and a few crackers (usually quite old) from my cupboard. But can I really offer company these things???? Well, no! And besides that, my little teeny, tiny kitchen is not conducive to preparing big meals.

In trying to identify why I feel this way, when so many people around me really dig eating out, I've come up with some possible reasons:

1. I'm cheap. I can spend 6 or 7 bucks on a lunch out or buy a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and have lunches for days, maybe even weeks.

2. I'm not cheap...I'd just rather spend my money on something else. A week's worth of lunch money will buy a book from Amazon, 1/2 of a plane ticket to Tulsa, 2 movie tickets plus popcorn and a diet Coke (now that's "restaurant" food I can't pass up!).

3. You never know where it's been. I'm not really that anal retentive, but then again, I've read Kitchen Confidential and watched enough Marvin Zindler reports to know that even in the best of restaurants you can find gooey, greasy grime on the ice machine.

4. Waist watcher. I don't care what meal I select, and even if I only eat half of the humongous portions that they serve these days, it's next to impossible for me to watch my waistline when I eat out. You just never know the ingredients of those secret sauces.

5. The check. It's usually an uncomfortable moment that I just hate. Unless you get separate checks, which is a pain for the waitstaff, divvying it up usually is not ever fair (and you know how I love fair) as people at the table just remember the menu price of their food and throw that into the pile without regard for tax and tip. Then the person who is in charge of counting and collecting the money has to beg for more from everyone. Sometimes, when I'm the collector, to avoid this, I've just "eaten" it.

6. Food is just not that important to me. Now I love good food whenever I have it (my son-in-law Robert is a gourmet cook and I just recently enjoyed some very wonderful meals from his kitchen) but day-in, day-out, give me pretty basic, non-fancy food and as long as it makes the hunger pangs go away, I'm set.

7. People are starving in Africa. This really doesn't keep me from dining out, but it does make me pause to see how much we Americans eat and how big our portions are. A little voice inside me just says "it's just wrong".

8. I can't decide. This is a toughy for me. When I do go out to eat, especially to a buffet, I want one of EVERYTHING! This goes against #7 and my feelings about that so I am conflicted about what to do. I don't like being conflicted.

9. Where do you want to eat? When I do go out to eat, I'll most always defer to the choice of restaurants of the people I dine with. Oh sure, I really do have some places I prefer over others, but then again, is it really that important to make a big deal of it and the places they are suggesting aren't going to kill me (except for the gooey, greasy, grimy slime on the ice machine -- see #3).

10. Minimum wage. Why don't restaurants pay their employees at least a minimum wage? And give them benefits? And give them the dignity of making a career in food service, if that's what they enjoy? It's just not fair, and you know how I like fair -- see #5).

So, where do you want to go for lunch?