I was at lunch yesterday with my co-workers and we got into a big discussion about the appropriate banter with waitstaff.

Our waiter was particularly good, I thought, and as is my habit, I engaged him in a brief exchange while he was serving us, fueled by a tattoo on his serving hand, which, at first glance, I thought were my initials "JM". When I remarked about it, he corrected me and said, "no, it was WC" and then proceeded to tell me that when he was in high school, a group of his friends went and got them done together and it stood for "wild child".

As he was explaining this, he did so in the strongest of Texas accents, and my curiosity was aroused as to whether it was East or West Texas. On his next visit to our table, I was planning to ask him where he was from, and told my co-workers so.

At that point, we got into a long, drawn out discussion about the appropriateness of engaging in 'personal' discussions with service people. The consensus seemed to be that if you wanted to say anything to them, that you should just compliment them on the job they were doing, instead of anything the least bit personal. I disagreed.

I feel that although it's not OK to delve into the deep, personal lives of people you come across on a daily basis, it's OK and really good that you engage on more than a surface level with folks. I think the more I understand people (and they understand me) the more that conflict and prejudice and intolerance disappear, so I always look for opportunities to do so.

I guess at the end of the discussion, we agreed to disagree.

However, later that night, I accompanied Matthew and Anya to Taco Cabana, and, while handing my credit card to the cashier, he asked me if I was from Boston (I had used my Fleet Mastercard, and their headquarters is in Boston). I smiled and said, "no, but I love the place. Are you from there?" and we engaged in a brief exchange about Albany, NY and New Hampshire and the East Coast, all while my credit card was being authorized. At the end of the transaction, I knew a little more about him and he knew a little more about me.

Oh sure, our paths will probably never cross again, but he knew that I saw him as a person, not just an object behind a counter and I know that he saw me as a person, and not just a pain in the neck customer!

I'll keep doing what I'm doing, I think.