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In the inevitable jitters and bitten nails of Election Day, here's a suggestion. Think of someone you really can't stand who favors your candidate. Now imagine how bad he's gonna feel when your guy loses. Feel better? No? Well, it was worth a try.

The assimilation of other voters' agony has had a bumper year in 2004. Call it "votenfreude": the notion that you're voting to enjoy other voters' electoral misery. I had a bout of it a while back, when I read the novelist Amy Tan's comment in Slate on the reason she's supporting John Kerry. "I'm voting for Kerry, because I have a brain and so does he," she wrote. There's a part of me that wants George W. Bush to win just so that Amy Tan will have a bad day. Oh and Michael Moore. And Noam Chomsky. And Paul Begala. And Alec Baldwin. And that sanctimonious lesbian I harangued at a "peace" demo in Provincetown last year. And Paul Krugman. I could go on and on. In fact, I think I'll spend today compiling a list of people I can't stand and imagining their expressions if Bush pulls it off. Did I forget Barbra Streisand?

I'm lucky, of course. There are almost as many people on the religious right I feel the same way about. So my own votenfreude gets to be really complicated. I want Kerry to win for what I hope are clear reasons, independent of anyone else's response. But the joy that I'll inevitably feel imagining the despondency of James Dobson and Jerry Falwell may well eclipse any rational belief that the country has made the better of two choices. Given how much angst Karl Rove has unleashed on many individuals over the years, watching him melt down in front of a Kerry landslide would be a moment of exquisite--if completely indefensible--pleasure.

These are all harmless, if morally suspect, post-election scenarios. But what's really stunning is how many people have actually premised their votes on whom they will tick off the most. Yesterday, David Frum played to my weak spot by declaring:

If John Kerry wins the presidency on Nov. 2, Champagne corks will be popping all over Europe. Radio and television broadcasters worldwide will assure their audiences that the United States has repented and given up its aggressive, provocative ways. "Neoconservative unilateralism" will go out of style; multilateralism and consultation will return to vogue. The international conference circuit will buzz with activity. The leaders of the European Union will plan a royal welcome for President Kerry on his first tour abroad.

Well, we wouldn't want that, would we? Personally, the thought of a very good champagne being opened in the Elysee Palace after a Kerry victory would do a lot to convince me to vote for W. Every time I think of various BBC producers popping open a bottle of Bolly, I do my best to banish the thought. Then there's the Osama card. Here's a crude piece of "analysis" from National Review, informing us how happy Osama would be if Kerry were elected:

A Kerry victory would also give power to the growing idea among jihadists that democracies and their constituent voters can be intimidated. No commuter-train bombings were required, the arch-terrorist would argue to his cadre of supporters; a mere appearance was enough to scare the American voter into changing governments. And then he would stake his claim on a messianic cult-like vision that he has been sent by his God to rule the earth and bring the likes of George W. Bush to account for their misdeeds against Muslims everywhere.

The Osama card works both ways, of course. Here's the estimable Will Saletan explaining how:

Bin Laden would like to see Bush thrown out of office, like that Spanish prime minister with the mustache who served as our beard for the Iraq invasion. If Bush loses, Bin Laden thinks he'll have another scalp to hang on his wall, or cave, or whatever it is. He'll claim to have brought down the president. Except he won't bring down the president. More likely, by showing up four days before our election, he'll scare Americans into re-electing Bush.

So make Osama miserable by voting for Kerry? Er, that would be the inference, I think. But a better idea is to forget what Osama believes. Ignore Michael Moore. Do your best to put images of a grinning or suicidal Rick Santorum out of your mind. Just figure out who you think is best for the country. Grit your teeth. And vote. Then let the gloating begin.

Andrew Sullivan is a senior editor at TNR.

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2004-11-02 2:28 PM Votenfraude Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (5) Share on Facebook	In the inevitable jitters and bitten nails of Election Day, here's a suggestion. Think of someone you really can't stand who favors your candidate. Now imagine how bad he's gonna feel when your guy loses. Feel better? No? Well, it was worth a try. The assimilation of other voters' agony has had a bumper year in 2004. Call it "votenfreude": the notion that you're voting to enjoy other voters' electoral misery. I had a bout of it a while back, when I read the novelist Amy Tan's comment in Slate on the reason she's supporting John Kerry. "I'm voting for Kerry, because I have a brain and so does he," she wrote. There's a part of me that wants George W. Bush to win just so that Amy Tan will have a bad day. Oh and Michael Moore. And Noam Chomsky. And Paul Begala. And Alec Baldwin. And that sanctimonious lesbian I harangued at a "peace" demo in Provincetown last year. And Paul Krugman. I could go on and on. In fact, I think I'll spend today compiling a list of people I can't stand and imagining their expressions if Bush pulls it off. Did I forget Barbra Streisand? I'm lucky, of course. There are almost as many people on the religious right I feel the same way about. So my own votenfreude gets to be really complicated. I want Kerry to win for what I hope are clear reasons, independent of anyone else's response. But the joy that I'll inevitably feel imagining the despondency of James Dobson and Jerry Falwell may well eclipse any rational belief that the country has made the better of two choices. Given how much angst Karl Rove has unleashed on many individuals over the years, watching him melt down in front of a Kerry landslide would be a moment of exquisite--if completely indefensible--pleasure. These are all harmless, if morally suspect, post-election scenarios. But what's really stunning is how many people have actually premised their votes on whom they will tick off the most. Yesterday, David Frum played to my weak spot by declaring: If John Kerry wins the presidency on Nov. 2, Champagne corks will be popping all over Europe. Radio and television broadcasters worldwide will assure their audiences that the United States has repented and given up its aggressive, provocative ways. "Neoconservative unilateralism" will go out of style; multilateralism and consultation will return to vogue. The international conference circuit will buzz with activity. The leaders of the European Union will plan a royal welcome for President Kerry on his first tour abroad. Well, we wouldn't want that, would we? Personally, the thought of a very good champagne being opened in the Elysee Palace after a Kerry victory would do a lot to convince me to vote for W. Every time I think of various BBC producers popping open a bottle of Bolly, I do my best to banish the thought. Then there's the Osama card. Here's a crude piece of "analysis" from National Review, informing us how happy Osama would be if Kerry were elected: A Kerry victory would also give power to the growing idea among jihadists that democracies and their constituent voters can be intimidated. No commuter-train bombings were required, the arch-terrorist would argue to his cadre of supporters; a mere appearance was enough to scare the American voter into changing governments. And then he would stake his claim on a messianic cult-like vision that he has been sent by his God to rule the earth and bring the likes of George W. Bush to account for their misdeeds against Muslims everywhere. The Osama card works both ways, of course. Here's the estimable Will Saletan explaining how: Bin Laden would like to see Bush thrown out of office, like that Spanish prime minister with the mustache who served as our beard for the Iraq invasion. If Bush loses, Bin Laden thinks he'll have another scalp to hang on his wall, or cave, or whatever it is. He'll claim to have brought down the president. Except he won't bring down the president. More likely, by showing up four days before our election, he'll scare Americans into re-electing Bush. So make Osama miserable by voting for Kerry? Er, that would be the inference, I think. But a better idea is to forget what Osama believes. Ignore Michael Moore. Do your best to put images of a grinning or suicidal Rick Santorum out of your mind. Just figure out who you think is best for the country. Grit your teeth. And vote. Then let the gloating begin. Andrew Sullivan is a senior editor at TNR. Read/Post Comments (5) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top
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