A dear family-in-law woman wrote to me recently and suggested that I get a copy of "We are our Mother's Daughters" by Cokie Roberts. In it, dear "A" explained, Cokie writes about the death of her older sister and how, with that death, her (Cokie's) place in the family changed.

How much this is true of my life now!

In growing up and "planning" my life and what I would "be", I never dreamed that I would be my mother's oldest (living) child, my brothers' only (living) sister.

Oh sure, if I really thought about it, with my way of wanting things to work out chronologically, I guess some day I would have imagined that it was only logical that Sherry would have died before me and I would assume those roles.

But then, I would have also imagined that my mother would have gone way before Sherry and my brothers would have been much less "young".

I guess the most difficult times in my life have been when I have found myself in the stage or part of life that I had not imagined me ever being in. A divorced mother of four. A mother with an empty nest. A grandma. Me without an older (living) sister/sibling.

And in trying to understand why I never imagined these places that I'd be in, I have to wonder what made me *not* imagine these things.

With each of those un-imaginable parts, I did manage to work my way to acceptance of my new role and in different ways. Months and months of therapy helped me cope with the divorced mother of four role. A career transition helped me fill my "empty nest". Clearly, the grandma part is wonderful now, but I did have to take on the grandma-name "MaDear" to ease the transition.

You would think by now I'd have a huge handle on how to adjust to this new place in my family that I find myself in. Right now, however, I just feel like I've walked onstage of a very strange play, not knowing the lines I'm supposed to deliver.