I made a quick trip to Dallas this weekend to visit with my brothers and their families and especially my mother who celebrated her 80th birthday this past week. It's a trip that's been in the works for several weeks now and one that I knew I should make. But I also knew with all the positive parts of my visit here would be one huge negative part...my sister would not be part of the visit.

Oh sure, I'm going to take some flowers to Restland to put at the site of her marker and ashes. But it's not the same as it's always been, when I would fly back to Dallas from business or personal trips and she would almost greet me at the door of my car, wanting to give me a report on how Jack and Marina got along during my time away, or wanting me to report on the latest goings-on of one or more of my 4 children (and their children). Those were special times looking back.

Many times I would get home so extremely tired from these trips that the only thing I wanted to do was just head directly to my home and fall into bed. But seeing the excitement in Sherry's eyes about the latest accomplishment of JJ & C (sadly she never got to meet the Divine Miss M) would energize me and I'd realized how lucky I was to have kids and grandkids, but also just how extremely lucky I was to have a sister that shared in my life and theirs so enthusiastically and lovingly.

I told my brother yesterday when he picked me up at the airport that although I was glad to see everyone with this visit, as it got closer and closer to the time that I'd leave DC and get on the plane to come to Dallas, I was filled with a real dread of the visit here as well. I'm feeling again the tremendous loss and with my visit "home" it's impossible for me to pretend that the loss isn't real. I have to remember...

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

From: Goblin Market, The Prince's Progress and Other Poems. Christina Rosetti. London: Macmillan 1879.