I signed the membership book and joined All Souls Church, Unitarian in DC today. It's a great church with a rich history. I'm happy to be a member there.

After attending a 3-hour introductory class yesterday about the history of the church, along with a tour of the building including a 8-story trek up the bell tower, we had the opportunity to make the decision to become members. I was glad to continue my over 4 year relationship with UUism with this wonderful church.

Today, we were honored in the service, but just before we were presented to the church body, a soloist sang the song "Wind Beneath My Wings." I thought I was prepared for it. I read the order of service prior to the start of church and said, under my breath, "oh no" as I realized that this solo was placed just immediately ahead of our getting up from our comfortable seats and standing before the congregation.

Now I kept thinking, mind over matter. I'll just pretend I don't hear the words, I'll just "mentally" stick my fingers in my ears and shout "I can't hear you, I can't hear you" while the song was being sung. But none of these tricks worked and I just cried.

I'm sure the song was picked to honor our mothers, as today's Mother's Day. But while she was singing it, all I could think of was my sister Sherry.

Many times now, when I attend church, or spiritual events (12 step meetings/an image and poetry class/my granddaughter C's pre-school program honoring her mother/etc.) I find myself getting a lump in my throat, my eyes tearing up.

I realize that now that I'm finally settled in my new home and all my boxes are unpacked, the emotional baggage of the loss of my sister is waiting to be opened up and dealt with. There's no escaping it now; it's just the way it is. I have a feeling though that it'll not be as easy finding a home for the contents of this heartfelt grief.

Wind Beneath My Wings

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.