I swirl around the last remaining pills of the perscription.

Each day gets me a little closer to the bottom of the bottle.

I'll have to explain again, reason again, cajole and maybe even beg again. Say how it makes a difference; makes me functional. And hope I am convincing.

The insurance might say enough is enough again. The doctor may want to "try a few months without it and see how you feel" again.

Just the thought of it takes me to the dark places I'm trying so hard to avoid.

Am I just getting the placebo effect from something that isn't actually helping? Should I give it a go again and see how I deal? Has it become an excuse, a crutch?

I don't have any answers.

I swirl around the container again. A little closer to inevitable choices.